God's Promise

Last night I had a very disturbing dream. I can not remember the details exactly, I just remember that it had something to do with Taylor not progressing anymore.

Today is my day to do school with Edy. For her writing assignment she does her Bible verses for karate. They use the King James version. I grabbed my well worn Bible, that has gotten me through very many trials, to look up the verse so that she could complete the assignment. After writing out the verse for her to copy, I started to review the different scriptures that the Lord had given to me over the years.

Isaiah has been a particular comfort to me through the years and a book that the Lord has used on a number of occasions to speak to my heart. Many times I do not understand how the passages pertain to my life. I just know that the Lord has given them to me. I highlight them and many times as I review them the Lord brings to light the encouragement. This particular passage was given to me over 10 years ago. I did not know what to think of it, as it did not pertain to the situation that I was experiencing at the time. How faithful is our Lord to prepare the way for us even before we know what path it is that we are to walk.

Isaiah 49: 8-26 (ESV)

The Restoration of Israel

8 Thus says the Lord:“In a time of favor I have answered you; in a day of salvation I have helped you; I will keep you and give you as a covenant to the people, to establish the land,
to apportion the desolate heritages,

9 saying to the prisoners, ‘Come out, to those who are in darkness, ‘Appear.’
They shall feed along the ways; on all bare heights shall be their pasture;

10 they shall not hunger or thirst, neither scorching wind nor sun shall strike them,
for he who has pity on them will lead them, and by springs of water will guide them.

11 And I will make all my mountains a road, and my highways shall be raised up.

12 Behold, these shall come from afar, and behold, these from the north and from the west,
and these from the land of Syene.”

13 Sing for joy, O heavens, and exult, O earth; break forth, O mountains, into singing!
For the Lord has comforted his people and will have compassion on his afflicted.

14 But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me.”

15 “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.

16 Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.

17 Your builders make haste; your destroyers and those who laid you waste go out from you.

18 Lift up your eyes around and see; they all gather, they come to you. As I live, declares the Lord, you shall put them all on as an ornament; you shall bind them on as a bride does.

19 “Surely your waste and your desolate places and your devastated land- surely now you will be too narrow for your inhabitants, and those who swallowed you up will be far away.

20 The children of your bereavement will yet say in your ears: The place is too narrow for me; make room for me to dwell in.’

21 Then you will say in your heart: "Who has borne me these? I was bereaved and barren, exiled and put away, but who has brought up these. Behold, I was left alone; from where have these come?’”

22 Thus says the Lord God: “Behold, I will lift up my hand to the nations, and raise my signal to the peoples; and they shall bring your sons in their bosom, and your daughters shall be carried on their shoulders.

23 Kings shall be your foster fathers, and their queens your nursing mothers. With their faces to the ground they shall bow down to you, and lick the dust of your feet. Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who wait for me shall not be put to shame.”

24 Can the prey be taken from the mighty, or the captives of a tyrant be rescued?

25 For thus says the Lord: “Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken, and the prey of the tyrant be rescued, for I will contend with those who contend with you, and I will save your children.

26 I will make your oppressors eat their own flesh, and they shall be drunk with their own blood as with wine. Then all flesh shall know that I am the Lord your Savior, and your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob.”

Today I was reminded of a promise that was given to me over 10 years ago. It was about my children. I had no idea then that we would be fighting Autism. It has held our family captive for many years. It has stolen my children. It has ravaged our family. God knew what he was calling Darrin and I to do over 10 years ago. He has given us this path to walk, but he did not mean for us to walk it alone. Scattered along this road have been friends to encourages us, the Lord's hand guiding us along when we just wanted to give up and the Lord's promises that he would be with us every step of the way. He has reminded me of a promise made long ago that in addition to being with us through all of this, He is going to save our children and it will be to his glory.

He is going to save our children. This is a promise, and the Lord does not break his promises. This does not mean that the rest of this road will be without it's valleys. It will still take work, but I am now working toward a goal that is no longer a maybe but a will, and through all of this others will know that the Lord is our Saviour and our Redeemer.

The Magic of Borax

We did not replace the carpet when we moved into this house because we did not want to panic about spills and such. Our carpet had seen better days. Mr Winslow had cleaned them for us when we moved in and they were great. They went steadily down hill. Between projectile spit-up and autism smears, juice spots and who knows what else, my ok carpets became worse than some that I had seen in some bank owned homes.

We did not have the money to replace them. We tried to clean them only to be told that it was hopeless and we should just get new carpeting. We were also faced with the fact that new carpeting is full of chemicals that can harm the children. What to do?

My mother-in-law was also wanting to help us get the carpets clean. After being here a week at Christmas time she went home and dug out the book "Extraordinary Uses for Ordinary Things" by Reader's Digest. It said that you could use Borax to clean stubborn stains out of your carpet. It was worth a try.

I started in front of the bathroom where Taylor had smeared some chocolate that I could not get cleaned up. I mixed a couple of cups of the Borax with some hot water and literally poured it over the spots. It was magic. In the place where I had saturated the carpet it all came clean. I used the steam cleaner to suck most of the water back out. It was amazing.

Knowing that I needed to get most of the carpet saturated, I went to work putting together a system. Darrin purchased a pressurized sprayer for me and I figured out how to get the Borax dissolved so that I could spray it on the carpet.

Here is what I ended up doing:
In a large pot bring about 1.5 gallons of water to a boil.
Add one box of Borax
Stir until all of the Borax is dissolved
Ladle into the pressurized sprayer to the bottom line
fill the sprayer with very hot water to the fill line.
Spray on the carpet.
Use a carpet rake or stiff push broom to work the solution evenly into the carpet. (if you don't do this your carpet will be splotchy)
Let the carpet rest for about 30 minutes
Use your steam cleaner with a white vinegar rinse (same proportions as you would use chemicals) to suck the Borax mix out of the carpet.
Let carpets dry overnight.

I also pre-spot the carpet for the really bad stains.
You might need to repeat the process in very bad areas.

Here is the result:

The result is much more dramatic in real life. I am very pleased with the results. So much so that I was able to get rid of the damaged area rugs that had been covering the worse stains. I am very pleased.

One other thing. You don't need to worry about your carpets being wet because the Borax actually keeps mold from growing so you are actually also adding a mold resistant product to your carpets. Cool!

Mercury in High-Fructose Corn Syrup

Ok people. It is time for another rant. (while I wait for the Borax to sit on the carpet)

Last night as Darrin and I were watching Fox 59 news at 10 there was a story about High-Fructose Corn Syrup. They stated that in a test study that a lot of the industrial HFCS contains Mercury.

Here is the article.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/26/AR2009012601831.html

All I have to say is REALLY PEOPLE!!!! Have you not been listening to the debate about vaccines? Why in the world would you put mercury in a food product. It is not good for the average person and it toxic for kids with compromised immune systems.

Then the HFCS people have the audacity to have commercials that promote the product and make those who avoid it sound stupid. They go something like this.

Person 1: Do you want some soda?
Person 2: No thank you. That contains HFCS. You know what they say about that.
P1: No, what do they say about it?
P2: Well, you know....
P1: That it is made from corn, and that in moderation it is ok?
p2: Silence.
Voice over: Be informed about the foods you eat. Go to (some web site)
End commercial.

Now person 2 can say: Yes, much of it contains mercury. Do you know what mercury does to your body?

One really sad thing about this is that many children with Autism have a very limited diet and much of this diet contains foods that are very high in HFCS.

So please read your labels and avoid this product.

The Journey Continues

You know every time I think that I have accepted that my kids are not "normal" I am thrown for another loop.

I don't know if, as a mom and dad, that you can ever accept that your kids will not be like other kids. There are some parents who have children with physical defects and others who have children with brain injuries that will never be cured. There is nothing that these parents can do. Their acceptance of reality is much harsher and yet it is quick and permanent.

For Darrin and I the acceptance comes and goes. There are days that we just know that the treatment we are doing with the children will work and other days it seems as if we will be with these kids for the rest of our lives because they will not be able to live on their own.

Having Connor has brought a new sadness to us. We are watching him develop into a normal little boy. He will not have the Autism as the others do, because we are taking steps to prevent it. I am happy that we know what to do for him, but sad because we did not know these things to do with the boys and Addi. I swing between emotions.

I know that God intended for us to have these children and to walk this road with them, but my mommy heart is angry that we did not have this information when the boys and Addi were babies. I am mostly angry at our pediatrician. She should have known that the boys were not healthy. She should have put it together. This is why we do well baby checks. They are the professionals and she let me down.

Darrin and I take turns with doubt about out kids futures. Yesterday we both had doubts. This is a rare occasion, but we were both grieving the loss of a dream we thought we were ok not having. That is until we had Connor. We are reminded about how much we have missed. We are reminded about the fact that we don't know our sons or Addi the way we want to because we still don't have the whole key to unlocking their brains so that they are no longer held captive.

We have come a long way on this journey, but it is heart wrenching to see what was taken from us. Over the next few years we will be reminded on a daily basis, as we watch Connor grow, how much was actually stolen from us.

In my heart I know that this is the path that was meant for us to walk. It was not to be any different. It has been written from the beginning that this is what our family would be and this is what the Lord has for some of our children. Knowing this does not make the grief any less. As parents we all have dreams for our children. Dreams of success in faith, work and family. At this point I am afraid to dream for my kids. I don't want to have them crushed again.

Snow Days

I loved snow days as a kid. It was so much fun waking up (or not getting up) and finding that there was no school that day. We would bundle up and go outside and help my dad shovel the walk and driveway. When we were done we would come inside and my mom would have hot chocolate and toast waiting for us. As we got older we still looked forward to the hot chocolate and toast and we would sometimes do some baking.

Today we have a snow day. Do homeschoolers have these? I woke up this morning (now I can't go back to sleep) and found that school is closed and Darrin will probably work from home. As much as I love my down time when everyone is gone, I do enjoy these surprise family days.

Today I hope to start the fun memories of snow days. I want to send the kids outside to help daddy shovel the walk and have hot chocolate (made with honey) waiting for when they come inside and maybe we will make some cookies later.

What are your favorite memories of snow days?

Hot chocolate:
1/2 gallon of milk - heat on the stove
add 1/3 to 1/2 cup of cocoa (depending on how chocolaty you want it)
add honey to desired sweetness. We usually use between 1/2 to 1 cup.
1T vanilla
a pinch of salt

Getting Back

Well today I got the downstairs of the house almost back to its rightful condition. I still need to go through papers, which as many of you know is one of my many thorns. I am slowly getting back into the routine of things. This next week I need to add in my half hour of exercise.

Darrin and I are going to set some goals for this year. Some of my personal goals are:
Do better with the finances
Lose my baby weight and then some.
Start Flylady again (found my notebook while cleaning out the bookshelves upstairs)
Straighten the house and unload the dishwasher everyday.
Limit my "bring dinner home" to once a week if not less.
Exercise at least 3 times a week.
blog at least 3 times a week.

We will see next year at this time how much has been accomplished.

As for house projects this year:
build a window seat for the library and the family room.
Build built ins for my closet.
Redo the landscaping, front and back (with Monica's help)
Get Edy's room repainted (there is boys writing all over her walls)
Get some pictures hung in all of the rooms.

I am looking forward to these projects, but they will only be accomplished if the above list is consistent. Otherwise I will not have the time, clean spaces to work or money to complete the project. This last year has been full of growth. I look forward to this next year to see what the Lord has for us as a family.

I am slowly coming back

Sorry it has been awhile since I posted. Life has been moving at breakneck speed.

Connor is now 2 months old. I can not believe how time is flying. October seemed about as long as the whole year.

We had some regression with the boys over Christmas. It was very hard for me to deal with a newborn and the boys treatment. I have a new resolve this year to make sure to get all of their supplements on a regular schedule. So far so good.

We have been able to take Taylor off of the Risperdol (sp?) We have started back on the 5-HTP for him and it is working. His progress reports from school have been improving. At this point and time that is all we can ask for. As much as I want to wave my magic wand and make Taylor, Spencer and Addi better, I can not. It is a slow process, but we have had much success this past year and Dr. Hulseman expect the progress to continue. She is expecting that by the time they are in Jr High that no one will know that they ever had an Autism diagnosis. They will be fully recovered just in time for me to have to deal with puberty. Brother!

We are not putting them back on the SC diet. We did not see any great improvement while we were on it and it was very difficult. We will stick to the GF diet as that is what seems to help the most. Also the supplements help a great deal. Right now they are all on 5-HTP, TMG, Folinic Acid, B12, Nystatin and EDTA. I also give them a probiotic every day. Taylor gets additional Selenium in hopes that by the next appointment we can start him on a heavier chelator.

We do have plans in the future to do the hyperbaric chamber with all 3 kids. This will be one of the last things that we add to their treatment. We will probably rent one for a month and see how that goes.

I still need to get before and after pictures of the kitchen posted here. In addition to the kitchen being redone, we took a wall out upstairs and now have a loft for the kids area. It has been a real help as I have gained about 100 sq feet of useable space. All that is left, for the time being, is the paint. It has been fun to get back into the swing of things and adding projects to my to do list. I love house projects. There is such a sense of satisfaction when they are finished.

This has been a rambly post. So much has happened in the past months. I am going to try to update daily. We shall see how that goes.