Thursday, March 8, 2018

It has been almost 5 years since I have written here. So much has happened and I am hoping to write about it over the next few months. Right now there is something in my head and heart that the Lord has given me to ponder.
Many people that I know or meet, after hearing our story of Autism, say to me "I could never do what you do." I would usually respond with "Yes you could." I have come to the conclusion: No you could not and neither can I.
Darrin and I have recieved a special calling in life. It was not to the mission field in another country, but to the mission field of those that have been effected by this impossible Spectrum disorder. There are days that I did not want to continue. There are days that life was impossible and I wanted to check out. There have been days of envy of others who seemed to lead charmed lives. There have been days of not wanting to get out of bed knowing what the day held for us. There have been days that it would have been easier for us all to perish.
I only mention this, because this is what I have been pondering.
There is a verse in scripture that has become, almost, a trite saying in the Christian commuity. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. You see it on t-shirts, jewelry, and other such things. This week I have been pondering our life and this verse. I have a new understanding.
Sometimes we are called to live impossible lives. I live an impossible life. I look back on our Autism journey and just shake my head. There is no way that I should be here today, let alone thriving. It is an impossible journey, and I have 5 that we are recovering (Sadie is a force all her own). We have lived in the valley of the shadow of death for years.
My therapist (one of the best things I have ever done) asked me if I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I told her no, but there is light in the tunnel now. We are no longer walking on shards of glass, just sharp stones. Every once and a while, we get a bit of smooth stones thrown in.
Back to the verse I have been pondering. God calls us to impossible lives, because he promises His strength to get through them. I can not do what He has called me to. It is impossible, but his promises are real and close to me. He will give me the strength. He does not give hardship to those who are strong. He give strength to get through that hardship. With that strength comes peace. The peace of knowing that I do not have the strength to continue on, but I do have his strength and nothing can take that down. No one can come against that. He holds the future and I know I have His strength to face it.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013


So very many of you pray for us and have lifted us up and supported us on this journey which we have been called. It is with great joy and fear that we are embarking the next part of this journey. Each new development holds joy and fear. Taylor was retested this past month to see where he fell on the bell curve of the spectrum. In his behavior he is still moderate and will need behavior support, but in other areas he has been moved to mild! Yes, MILD!!!! Just typing that brings overwhelming emotions.  The journey continues as we learn about what this means for him. Part of what it means is that he is going to be spending more time in the general ed class. By the time we hit middle school he might be full gen ed. It is also scary. Questions are flying through my brain. How will he do in the gen ed class? Will there be an aid to help him? Is this what is best for him? We have an IEP meeting next week and many of those questions will be answered. So for tonight I am going to rejoice in the work of the Lord. It is He that has guided us down this path, showed us where He wants us to go and what turns to take. It is you all that have lifted our arms and encouraged us when we could not walk anymore on our own. It is only fitting that we rejoice with you. We would not be here, but for your encouragement. I am excited to see what the next year will bring. I am encouraged to once again do full GAPS with the kids and really get some good healing done over the summer. This just gave me the push that I needed.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Life keeps moving

It has been forever since I have sat down to blog. I guess that is a good thing. It means that the kids are progressing and life is full.

Taylor has really picked up his speech communication. He is speaking in full sentences and the echoing back of what we say to answer us is almost all gone. It is amazing. It seems that we always have these growths after a very hard regression week.

Addi is moving forward and now only needs help during lunch and recess.

Spencer is on his own in 2nd grade and is keeping up. He has improved greatly since the beginning of the year. His test scores show considerable progress.

We are getting ready to have a new little one join our family. We are almost to the 2 week countdown. The crib is ready and I just need to get some odds and ends and we will be good to go.

Since it is a time for change we were needing to rethink how we were utilizing the spaces in our house. I have always wanted a guest room, but due to our growing numbers that has been put aside. We have turned the guest room into the girls play room. Now their room is just a bed room. It will be used when we do have guests. Edy has the closet in the playroom as her own special locked place so she can store special treasures there without anyone else accessing them. It has turned out really well and I think that she and Addi will have an easier time keeping it cleaned up.

The loft is now the "boys toy area." Eventually their room will also be just their bed room. It gives a bit more room for them to be able to spread out and I have found if you have a bit more room things tend to stay cleaned up a bit more.

One of my sad moments switching out the rooms was the pictures that I came across. There were some professional photos of the boys and Edy. Edy was 2 and the boys were around 1. The smiles and clarity of their eyes brought a wave emotion. SO many times throughout the months and years I forget that at one time I had normal kids. I need to remember that life was normal at one point and time. They were so very cute in the pictures, and so very bright. Even now just thinking about the pictures brings me to tears. As much as I think I have moved passed the grief of losing my kids, sometimes it sneaks up on me and hits me at very odd times. Pregnancy hormones don't help. :)

I am thankful for the progress that we have made over the past 4 years. The Lord has been with us every step of the way. It brings joy to my heart to hear the kids play together and interact with each other. There were times that I wondered if I would ever be allowed to experience that this side of Heaven. Even when the times are rough (this last weekend) they are not as bad as they were. We are making progress and we will continue to help them get better. We are not at the end of our progress and it will be amazing to see where we are at Sadie's first birthday.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Wonder Mill Jr give away

For my mom.
Enter here for you chance to win a Wonder Mill Jr.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


We are back from our cruise. It was a great weekend. The best since our honeymoon!

We left on Thursday afternoon and when we got to the Airport Darrin found out that his drivers license was expired. We did not think anything of it until we hit Chicago. What if they do not let us on the ship with an expired ID. We made lots of calls and had lots of people praying. Darrin stressed, I was just glad to be on vacation. At this point all expectations for the cruise went out the window. We would just be happy if they let us on the ship.

We were on our way to the Port Authority when Jamie, our group director, called to let us know that we should not bring attention to it and everything should be fine.

After much nervousness we were allowed access to the ship. We did not get off the ship at Nassau because we were afraid they might not let us back on the boat.

We did get off of the boat for Coco Cay. We only needed our seapass to get back on the ship.

After about 1 hour the realization that we were on the ship started to hit. We had made it on and we were about to set sail.
The cruise was more than we could have wished for. All of our meals were provided and the staff on the boat were so very friendly. They met any request that was within their power.

Pictures are posted on my facebook page.

One of the reasons for taking this cruise was to find out information about the Autism on the Seas program. We are very impressed and are planning to take the kids on a cruise next August. The parents that were there raved about their time on the cruises and also put our fears to rest. I can not wait for our next one.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Summer Time

This summer has been one of the best ones yet. The kids have been great and I am sad to think about them returning to school.

There are many things about summer that I love. Some of the best times were had playing in the rain. Rain storms without thunder and lightning are hard to come by. We had one of these this week and I was able to witness my kids making childhood memories.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Die off and Wheat

This die off is about over. I have relatively happy kids again.

I have learned that my body no longer tolerates wheat. If I do eat it I break out under my nose. This is the same thing that Connor does, so I now can tell when I have gotten even a little bit.
Oh well! It does make me wonder what was going on inside my body when I was eating it in vast amounts.

Day 12 of the Shred is done. I hate Jillian. Work out 2 is so much harder than 1. The only reason I am still doing this is because Darrin is doing it with me and the pain brings us closer. :)