It has been almost 5 years since I have written here. So much has happened and I am hoping to write about it over the next few months. Right now there is something in my head and heart that the Lord has given me to ponder.
Many people that I know or meet, after hearing our story of Autism, say to me "I could never do what you do." I would usually respond with "Yes you could." I have come to the conclusion: No you could not and neither can I.
Darrin and I have recieved a special calling in life. It was not to the mission field in another country, but to the mission field of those that have been effected by this impossible Spectrum disorder. There are days that I did not want to continue. There are days that life was impossible and I wanted to check out. There have been days of envy of others who seemed to lead charmed lives. There have been days of not wanting to get out of bed knowing what the day held for us. There have been days that it would have been easier for us all to perish.
I only mention this, because this is what I have been pondering.
There is a verse in scripture that has become, almost, a trite saying in the Christian commuity. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. You see it on t-shirts, jewelry, and other such things. This week I have been pondering our life and this verse. I have a new understanding.
Sometimes we are called to live impossible lives. I live an impossible life. I look back on our Autism journey and just shake my head. There is no way that I should be here today, let alone thriving. It is an impossible journey, and I have 5 that we are recovering (Sadie is a force all her own). We have lived in the valley of the shadow of death for years.
My therapist (one of the best things I have ever done) asked me if I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I told her no, but there is light in the tunnel now. We are no longer walking on shards of glass, just sharp stones. Every once and a while, we get a bit of smooth stones thrown in.
Back to the verse I have been pondering. God calls us to impossible lives, because he promises His strength to get through them. I can not do what He has called me to. It is impossible, but his promises are real and close to me. He will give me the strength. He does not give hardship to those who are strong. He give strength to get through that hardship. With that strength comes peace. The peace of knowing that I do not have the strength to continue on, but I do have his strength and nothing can take that down. No one can come against that. He holds the future and I know I have His strength to face it.