My last post was almost 3 years ago. So much has happened. So much that I did not put on paper. So many valleys, so many hurdles, so many times I really thought we would not make it. We did. We always do even if sometimes I don't think we will.
So many emotions these past couple of months. I had to apply for SSI for Tay and Spencer. This brought so many emotions. Not the emotions that dissolving Tay's rights to make decisions for himself brought. This one has cut me to the soul. It feels so permanent. It is just another reminder of what his life is. I am not sorry for us. I am hurting deeply for him. I know that he has no idea what is happening and it will not change his life at all. We try to allow him to make as many decisions for himself as we can. The reality is that he is not able understand the really hard ones. Unless we encounter some sort of miracle, he will always be my man child.
Each stage of life has more reminders and I start the grieving process over. I have to work through the anger all over again. I have to work through the grief in my soul over what he will never get to experience. I know he is happy. He loves his friends, he loves being at home with us, he loves his job and people love him and he touches lives. It does not soften the blows that come at each stage of life.
