Thursday, February 28, 2008

I'm Tired and a Change in Perspective

Today I am just too tired to do much. I am physically and emotionally drained. I thought I could handle the everyday messes that the children create. I could do this if life was normal, but there is little about our lives that is normal.
I am tired of special diets.
I am tired of smeared poop in the bathroom.
I am tired of the screaming.
I am tired of being tired.
I am tired of my struggle with weight.
I am tired of the same food over and over.
I am too tired to think.
I am tired of trying to get supplements down my children.
I am tired of medical bills.

As I was writing this in my pity party state I received a phone call update on Darrin's Papa in Arkansas. He is not doing well. He was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma about a month ago. Everyday is a struggle to know what to do to help him. My in-laws are there at this time. They do no know how long they will need to stay, but if things keep progressing the way they are, it will not be much longer.

At least there are things that I can do for my boys. They do not have a life threatening illness. What we are doing will make it so they will be able to lead full, normal lives. They will recover. There is not a whole lot of guess work left. We are on the path to recovery.

I can not imagine what Grandma Bobbie is going through right now. The realization that she is going to lose her husband and close friend of over 25 years is starting to close in on her. She has lived with this possibility looming over her head for years. Papa has Emphysema. He has been living with this for a very long time. As it turns out, his lungs are working fine right now. It is the rest of his body that is having trouble.

It is amazing to me how one phone call can put me back into perspective. The timing of the call was of the Lord. A gentle reminder to me that my life is not all that bad. Yes, I am tired, but our family in Arkansas is much more so. So today I will continue to give my kids their supplements and Epsom Salt baths, not care that the house is once again a mess, and pray for our family, in Arkansas, who is facing a much bigger battle today than I am.


Heather L. said...

i didn't know about Darrin's Grandpa. I'm sorry about that and will be thinking of you and the family during this hard time.

Keep up the good work, Jennie. I'm reading that Autism book and it's helping me more and more to see what a hard, daily battle you have. How encouraging that there is hope for progress though!

Monica said...

I'll be praying along with you, my friend. Give me a call anytime:)

Jenny B said...

Jennie thanks for being willing to share that you are tired of doing what you know you need to today. This has been a tiring week for me, and much like the call about Darrin's Papa helped give you perspective. You have helped give me perspective.
I am praying for you and with you.

Milehimama said...

I'm sorry to hear your family is not doing well. It's hard when you feel like everything is on "you" to control it - diet, supplements, etc.

We have trouble getting our son to take his supplements too. I don't know what yours are taking, but I found as many chewable forms as I could (he won't swallow pills) and for the capsules (choline and inositol) I open them and mix them with Mott's Healthy Harvest applesauce. I let him choose the flavor - the sour granny smith apple seems to mask the flavor of the supplements the best.

Alaina said...

Thinking of you and praying for you. Please don't hesitate to call if you need anything.

Monica said...

It's no wonder that you are tired:)