Me, Myself and I

We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do. - Ethel Barrett

I have been pondering a few things over the past few days. There have been many blogs and posts in forums that I have read that have talked about how inferior some moms feel when they look around themselves at others. I think that this is one of the greatest things that keeps women from developing very close bonds with other women. We consistently compare ourselves to each other.

Most of the time when someone encourages me in the work that we are doing with the boys or they call me their hero, I am quick to dismiss it in my mind with a personal dialogue that says "ya, If you were in our home for more than a few hours and really got a good look at a real day you would not think this."

I yell at my kids, am not as diligent as I should be about things that need to be done, should play with the kids more than I do and so the list could go on and on and on.
I do compare myself with other moms. Moms that I think have it all together. I also know that if these moms knew this they would laugh, because they to compare themselves with other moms and feel the same as I do.

We as moms do the best that we can on any given day. We make sacrifices that only other moms can understand. So today I am making a new resolution. Instead of comparing myself to these moms, I am going to enjoy their strengths and thank the Lord that we are all different and can compliment each other so well. We can learn from each other and encourage each other instead of beating ourselves up over not being all that we think we should be.

Here is a list of many of the moms that I hang with and what I appreciate about them. (even if they feel themselves less than super I think the are all wonderful)

Amy Koons: She is one of the best writers I know. I love to read her blog, because I know it will be a good read and I will feel uplifted when I am done. I think she could write about an earth worm and I would think it was great.

Alaina Fulk: I love to hear about her menus and the entertaining that she is doing. She is one of the most hospitable people I know.

Monica Bird: One of the dearest friends I have. She is raising 7 children and homeschooling and yet she still has time to listen and encourage me. She has a mind that wants to learn and she has not neglected it just because she is a mom. She can also feed her brood on an amazing budget.

Heather LeFebvre: One of the most creative people I know. She is constantly sewing cool things and creating really cool food in the kitchen. She has persevered through a very trying illness and has developed a true compassion for those in the same circumstances.

Ginny Enas: Is raising 10 children ages 19 - 2. I am amazed at her wisdom and continually seek her advice in the raising of my kids. She has shown me that I can still be me in the midst of marriage and motherhood.

Catherine Gillespie: Reads more books than I knew existed. She reads to her kids on a daily basis. She is learning how to do things on a tight budget and I am gleaning so much from her thoughts on that.

Rachelle Swan: She loves her stepchildren as though they were her own. I have not seen many women care about children they way she cares about her 2 oldest. She is in the midst of trials and she is facing them with determination and fighting for her kids.

Each of these women are truly super moms. They are unique and wonderful in so many ways. What is posted above is just a hint of who they are.
I guess what I am trying to say in this post is that so much of our energy is wasted on comparing ourselves to others instead of enjoying those differences.

So I am going to step out of my box and in spite of my really bad stained carpet have a party for Edy for her birthday. I know that I think so much worse of it than others do. I am not going to let stained carpet or shabby furniture stand in the way of entertaining those I hold dear or doing something for someone else because I don't know if they will like it. I have held back too much in the past few years because I did not want to be judged on the actions of my children or the condition of my house. I am determined to accept things as they are and move on.

So when you read this post if you feel inclined to leave a comment, I want to know what your favorite thing about yourself is. Is is time for us moms to start dwelling on the good that we have and quit getting down on ourselves for those things that we wish we were.

Edit: Darrin got on me for not posting my favorite thing about me: I am glad that I am so flexible. I like to be spontaneous. I think the most fun to be had is just doing something without forethought. (this has gotten me into trouble, but I have always had a good time.)

I think you are all wonderful and no one else could fill your place on earth!

It's a.........

Today we had our ultrasound for this little one. I have had many concerns about this baby because I am over 35. Today put all of those concerns to rest. The baby is perfectly healthy. It is about 10 oz now and is measuring right where it should be. All of it parts are in the places they should be, no extra parts and no parts missing.

In fact it has one little extra part that many of us don't have. It is a BOY!!! We are quite positive of this. He is a typical boy and was strutting his stuff.

Now for the hard part. We need a boy's name. We have the middle name. It is Louis after Darrin's papa that passed away this year.

I am very open for suggestions. Our guidelines.
The name has to be 2 syllables.
It can not start with A, D, E, J, S or T. (we already have those initials.)
It needs to end in an "or" or "er" so that it ends the same as Spencer and Taylor.

Let me have them. I will present them to Darrin and when we decide on a name I will let you all know.

Today has been a good day and I am thanking the Lord for a healthy child.

Some friends were getting on me last night because I have not updated my blog in a month.
Our whole family minus Darrin has been sick this past month. The last 2 weeks have been the worst with it ending this past weekend knee deep (not literally) in puke! For some reason I have not felt motivated to sit and update. :)

We have had some great times this month. As I get around the fact that I am exhausted all the time, I am trying to get out and do some things with the kids. A few weeks ago I took them bowling. My mom was sweet enough to go with me and help. I have to say it was not a total disaster. We did not get through even one game, but the kids have been asking to go again so it was worth the effort. We can bowl for free with only having to pay for shoe rental. For those interested go to kidsbowlfree.com

A few weekends later we went camping for Memorial Day weekend. It was the best camping trip we have ever had. As much of a pain as it was to take the kids when they were younger, I am starting to see the fruits of our labor. They are wanting to help set up and take down the camper. I figure that they should be able to set up the whole thing properly by the time they are 7, 8 and 9. I think I will give the baby a break and not make him/her help until he/she is about 2. :)

I have pictures of both, but they are on different cameras. As soon as I can get a hold of my mom and Amy's camera I will post pictures.

Taylor had his 3 month check with Dr. Hulesman last Thursday. His ATEC jumped from 48 to 36. We are making progress. It has been hard to get a handle on all of the things he is supposed to be taking, but I finally feel as if I am on the verge of getting on top of it. In the next few weeks we will be starting chelation. This is a big step. It is our next to last step if not the last. If it works we will be done and just continue what we are doing for the next year or so. If we don't get the total result that we want we will do some Hyperbaric Chamber treatments with him. We will cross that bridge when we get to it.

All in all it has become a lot more normal around here than I ever dreamed. Taylor has turned a corner. I am not sure what caused it, but am very thankful for it. Addi has quit the spontanious screaming and we are working on the whining. I am hopeful that by the time this baby arrives that most of everything will be cleared up.

I am aslo very thankful that we have had such a quick recovery rate. There are many families that do not start chelation for years. The Lord has been gracious and we are flying through the steps. You could not have convinced me a year ago that we would be where we are today. I read countless stories of other families and my heart aches for them. Our road has been simple and easy compared to what they have had to deal with.


It takes time to succeed because success is merely the natural reward of taking time to do anything well -- Joseph Ross

Salami

These past few weeks have been very hard. I was to the point that I just wanted to give up on the kids diet. I am not seeing many changes or progress and it just does not seem worth it.
Addi is growing and I can not get enough food down her to keep her satisfied. I feel for her. I just want to pitch it all and go back to the GFCF diet. It was sooooo much easier!

I had to go to the store this morning because we were out of our staples. I was determined to get something for Addi that she would like. I was going to get salami. I did not care what was in it. She needed some variety. I picked up the "best" out of the lot and proceeded to the bacon section. As I was on my way I passed the new Hormel Naturals. Guess what...they have an uncured salami!
So today in the grocery, once again, God took my hand and showed me that he is going before me to provide for these children. I was at the end of my rope and he pulled me back up.
Salami is such a small thing, but today it made my day. (and Addi's. She loved it. Ate most of the package.)

Spring and New Beginnings

Our Lord has written the promise of resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in springtime. - Martin Luther

Spring is just about to come full force to us here in Indy. It has been teasing us for the past few weeks, but I think it is about to stay. Spring is my favorite season. It is full of renewed life, fresh smells and sunshine. It has been my favorite since childhood. I remember when I was in school as a child, walking out of the school building and taking a deep breath of spring air. Nothing else smelled like it. For me spring means new beginnings.

We have reintroduced eggs into the kids diet. Eggs are marvelous things. I can now make great muffins, pizza crust, cookies and a multitude of other baked goods. I am sure that the kids will enjoy eating them as much as I enjoy making them. I have also introduced more dairy. Cheese is also a marvelous thing. It helps keep crackers together and gives a quick no-thought snack.
When we started this diet 3 months ago it seemed an eternity before we could reintroduce these things, but as spring came so did the wonderful change in diet. It is so much easier now.

We started Taylor on a med called Risperdol last week. I don't know what changes I am supposed to be looking for. It is supposed to increase his appetite as a side effect. This has happened. He asked for chicken nuggets on Sunday night. I was more than willing to do this for him. He ate them for dinner and for lunch the next day.
In addition to taking his vitamins I was able to sneak Zinc, TMG, Folinic Acid, Vitamin C, Cortrex, MSM and Magnesium into their muffins. They ate them! I don't know what the heat did to these supplements, but some is better than none.

Again, I love spring and can not wait for the time that the kids can go outside and play on a consistent basis. They are always much happier after they get a good dose of Vitamin D and so is mommy!

Victory Dance!

For one mother, joy is the quiet pleasure found in gently rubbing shampoo into her young child's hair. For another woman it's taking a long walk alone, while for yet another it's reveling in a much-anticipated vacation.
-Eileen Stukane

Today Taylor took his vitamins!!!! I am so excited. I gave him the little "berries" and walked away. I tried to peak around the fridge to see if he had eaten them, but he had his back to me. Later he asked for some more. I gave them to him and saw him chew them up!! This is almost as much cause for celebration as Spencer's potty training.

These past weeks have been my most tired throughout the boys treatment. I just want to chuck everything and go to sleep. Isn't that the way God works. When we are at our lowest He is able to do what needs to be done. Things needed to be done and He got them done. I can humbly say that it was not me by any means. He has shown me that this journey is not on my shoulders, but on His. He will bring us to the end with the result that He has set from the beginning of time.

Vitamins are such little things. You can fit many of them in your hand and yet there are many valleys between the ridges of those little things. Today God took Taylor to the vitamin mountain and helped him conquer it. He did not even need the help of his mama.

Doctors Appointments and The Changing of a Dream

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.
-Helen Keller

Addi and Spencer had their 3 month check with Dr. Hulsman yesterday. Spencer had an ATEC in the 40s during our last visit. This visit it was 24. His "social score" was a 1 and Dr. Hulsman told me that he was almost off of the spectrum. Music to my ears. He will be starting chelation this next week. We are going to go nice and slow. It may take us awhile, but this will help his communication and brain fog.

Addi's ATEC was in the 60s when we started and she was 44 yesterday. We are still having problems with her screaming. We are trying some adrenal support. I think this has already helped her. We had not started her supplements for this, but she found the bottle and emptied it on the floor upstairs. Most of the capsules were opened. If that is all it takes to get them to take their supplements then I should just give them a spoon and let them play with all of them. The screaming is down today and she slept in her own bed all night last night.

We also got a new vitamin supplement. Everyone but Taylor likes the new vitamin. I am learning that he does not like the orange flavor. It is berry all the way for him. I am looking for a gummy vitamin for him that does not contain corn syrup, so if there are any suggestions please let me know.

Over all we were very pleased with the visit. She also gave us a prescription for a drug for Taylor. We are hoping that it will give him a sense of calmness making it easier for us to get the supplements down him. We will see what happens.

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I have always had a heart for missionaries. I would have gone in an instant if I had been called, but I wasn't. Since I was not called I wanted to have a home that could house missionaries when they were home on leave. This grew into a dream to have a place that they could bring their families for a time of R&R. God has taken my vision and tweaked it a bit. I still want to have a place where people can come for R&R, but God has changed my focus group.

Because of the boys and their Autism, God has put a very special place in my heart for the parents of special needs children. I do not necessarily have a heart for the children themselves. I do love them, but my concern is for their parents. The divorce rate for families with special needs children is higher than the national average. The stresses and heartache that these parents experience are much more than the stresses of normal life.

Yesterday on Dr. Phil there was a couple whose son was born without the division between the frontal lobes in his brain. Most of the time these children die in the womb or shortly after birth. The fact that this child has lived this long is a miracle. They love day by day not knowing how much longer their son will be with them. The dad has turned to alcohol for escape. The mom takes out the brunt of her frustration on the dad which drives him to drink even more. It is a vicious cycle.

What I saw was a couple who was hurting and needed a break. They needed time to reconnect and time to take a break together. They needed encouragement that their feelings are natural and all parents have them. (even those without special needs kids). They needed a place to vent and they needed a place to have someone wrap them in the love of Christ. They needed to know that no matter what happened that there would be people out there that still loved them and would be there when they felt like they could not go on.

This is the kind of place that I want to have. I want to pamper the moms and give the dads time to pursue some of the things that they have had to put on hold. I want to give them a time where they can get some help for their relationship. I want them to be able to go out on a date together. I want to provide some respite care for the children by people who are trained in handling their particular situation so that the parents can relax and know that their children are well cared for.

I think that this is the greatest thing that we can do for these children. It will give them peace in the home and take the stresses off of them. Stress is one of the worst thing for special needs children so if we can help their parents we can help them.

It is only in "dream" stage right now. I don't know how God is going to bring it about, but it will be exciting to be part of it.