It has been a while....

 My last post was almost 3 years ago. So much has happened. So much that I did not put on paper. So many valleys, so many hurdles, so many times I really thought we would not make it. We did. We always do even if sometimes I don't think we will.

So many emotions these past couple of months. I had to apply for SSI for Tay and Spencer. This brought so many emotions. Not the emotions that dissolving Tay's rights to make decisions for himself brought. This one has cut me to the soul. It feels so permanent. It is just another reminder of what his life is. I am not sorry for us. I am hurting deeply for him. I know that he has no idea what is happening and it will not change his life at all. We try to allow him to make as many decisions for himself as we can. The reality is that he is not able understand the really hard ones. Unless we encounter some sort of miracle, he will always be my man child.

Each stage of life has more reminders and I start the grieving process over. I have to work through the anger all over again. I have to work through the grief in my soul over what he will never get to experience. I know he is happy. He loves his friends, he loves being at home with us, he loves his job and people love him and he touches lives. It does not soften the blows that come at each stage of life. 

So last week I started my self care regiment. I have been doing Low Dose Allergy Therapy over the past year so that gluten does not kill me. I tried fasting for the 3 critical days of the therapy. I made it 52 hrs. Maybe next time I will make it all 3 days.
We are starting a new eating plan. I hope this will help heal my body and get some hormones regulated along with giving my gut a chance to heal.
We will be eating 2 meals a day with our big meal at lunch time. Darrin and I are going to fast for dinner. I sleep better when I do that and find my head is much clearer.
Breakfast will consist of a "keto" smoothie and lunch will be a raw veggie, like salad, a cooked veggie and a grilled meat. Not sure how this will all play out, but we are going to give it a go. I am going to make up some fat bombs of coconut oil to help fight my gut issues. These will also help if I get overly hungry and want to eat my young children. :)
I am also going to try to get 3 miles of walking in a day. That might be all at once or divided into 2. Darrin and I are trying to get a walk in the evening. It helps us connect and talk about our day and days to come without being interrupted by kids. I really enjoy that time with him. It also gets us out into the neighborhood to greet our neighbors.
I am going to be getting my supplements in order to help support my hormones and the healing process of my body. Vit D really is a big part of this. I plan on getting a good dose of that a day while reading out on the back deck.
Moms that care for kids on the Autism Spectrum suffer from a form of PTSD. They have to be on alert 24/7. They are always in fight or flight mode. Their adrenals are run down and their bodies are being destroyed by the stress they live under 24/7.
It is my hope that as I heal my body from the stresses of the past 14 years, that I can help other moms heal or avoid the breakdown of their own bodies.
Self care is important for every mom and woman. We are encouraged and taught that we need to sacrifice all for those around us. We can not effectively do the job we are called to do if we are not healthy and present. Just like athletes train and take care of their bodies so that they can accomplish the job ahead of them, we to, as women, need to train and take care of our bodies so that we can fulfill the call that is on our lives. Yes, things will get done even if we don't, but wouldn't it be more fun if we felt good and had energy to get our work done? This is what I am working towards. 

New Phase of Life

We are entering a new phase of life. Addie is in school now until 3 pm. I have from 9 am - 2:30 pm. This is the first time in 16 years that I have 5.5 hrs with no kids at home. I thought this would happen when Sadie started school, but some other things came up and I ended up with kids at home during different hours. It is quiet in my house during those hours. Who knew the Thompson house could be quiet? I have a new quandary.....What to do with those hours?

Today I went to lunch with Darrin and Papa. I had no where to be and no one to pick up. It was so enjoyable. So peaceful. I am enjoying this season.

I am going to start working to get my health back. The years of hard Autism have taken their toll on my body. Now that I have time, I am going to start taking back some of the areas I have neglected. I want to be healthy so that I can enjoy these wonderful children for years to come.

It has been almost 5 years since I have written here. So much has happened and I am hoping to write about it over the next few months. Right now there is something in my head and heart that the Lord has given me to ponder.
Many people that I know or meet, after hearing our story of Autism, say to me "I could never do what you do." I would usually respond with "Yes you could." I have come to the conclusion: No you could not and neither can I.
Darrin and I have recieved a special calling in life. It was not to the mission field in another country, but to the mission field of those that have been effected by this impossible Spectrum disorder. There are days that I did not want to continue. There are days that life was impossible and I wanted to check out. There have been days of envy of others who seemed to lead charmed lives. There have been days of not wanting to get out of bed knowing what the day held for us. There have been days that it would have been easier for us all to perish.
I only mention this, because this is what I have been pondering.
There is a verse in scripture that has become, almost, a trite saying in the Christian commuity. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. You see it on t-shirts, jewelry, and other such things. This week I have been pondering our life and this verse. I have a new understanding.
Sometimes we are called to live impossible lives. I live an impossible life. I look back on our Autism journey and just shake my head. There is no way that I should be here today, let alone thriving. It is an impossible journey, and I have 5 that we are recovering (Sadie is a force all her own). We have lived in the valley of the shadow of death for years.
My therapist (one of the best things I have ever done) asked me if I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I told her no, but there is light in the tunnel now. We are no longer walking on shards of glass, just sharp stones. Every once and a while, we get a bit of smooth stones thrown in.
Back to the verse I have been pondering. God calls us to impossible lives, because he promises His strength to get through them. I can not do what He has called me to. It is impossible, but his promises are real and close to me. He will give me the strength. He does not give hardship to those who are strong. He give strength to get through that hardship. With that strength comes peace. The peace of knowing that I do not have the strength to continue on, but I do have his strength and nothing can take that down. No one can come against that. He holds the future and I know I have His strength to face it.

I WOULD LIKE SOME MILD PLEASE

So very many of you pray for us and have lifted us up and supported us on this journey which we have been called. It is with great joy and fear that we are embarking the next part of this journey. Each new development holds joy and fear. Taylor was retested this past month to see where he fell on the bell curve of the spectrum. In his behavior he is still moderate and will need behavior support, but in other areas he has been moved to mild! Yes, MILD!!!! Just typing that brings overwhelming emotions.  The journey continues as we learn about what this means for him. Part of what it means is that he is going to be spending more time in the general ed class. By the time we hit middle school he might be full gen ed. It is also scary. Questions are flying through my brain. How will he do in the gen ed class? Will there be an aid to help him? Is this what is best for him? We have an IEP meeting next week and many of those questions will be answered. So for tonight I am going to rejoice in the work of the Lord. It is He that has guided us down this path, showed us where He wants us to go and what turns to take. It is you all that have lifted our arms and encouraged us when we could not walk anymore on our own. It is only fitting that we rejoice with you. We would not be here, but for your encouragement. I am excited to see what the next year will bring. I am encouraged to once again do full GAPS with the kids and really get some good healing done over the summer. This just gave me the push that I needed.

Life keeps moving

It has been forever since I have sat down to blog. I guess that is a good thing. It means that the kids are progressing and life is full.

Taylor has really picked up his speech communication. He is speaking in full sentences and the echoing back of what we say to answer us is almost all gone. It is amazing. It seems that we always have these growths after a very hard regression week.

Addi is moving forward and now only needs help during lunch and recess.

Spencer is on his own in 2nd grade and is keeping up. He has improved greatly since the beginning of the year. His test scores show considerable progress.

We are getting ready to have a new little one join our family. We are almost to the 2 week countdown. The crib is ready and I just need to get some odds and ends and we will be good to go.

Since it is a time for change we were needing to rethink how we were utilizing the spaces in our house. I have always wanted a guest room, but due to our growing numbers that has been put aside. We have turned the guest room into the girls play room. Now their room is just a bed room. It will be used when we do have guests. Edy has the closet in the playroom as her own special locked place so she can store special treasures there without anyone else accessing them. It has turned out really well and I think that she and Addi will have an easier time keeping it cleaned up.

The loft is now the "boys toy area." Eventually their room will also be just their bed room. It gives a bit more room for them to be able to spread out and I have found if you have a bit more room things tend to stay cleaned up a bit more.

One of my sad moments switching out the rooms was the pictures that I came across. There were some professional photos of the boys and Edy. Edy was 2 and the boys were around 1. The smiles and clarity of their eyes brought a wave emotion. SO many times throughout the months and years I forget that at one time I had normal kids. I need to remember that life was normal at one point and time. They were so very cute in the pictures, and so very bright. Even now just thinking about the pictures brings me to tears. As much as I think I have moved passed the grief of losing my kids, sometimes it sneaks up on me and hits me at very odd times. Pregnancy hormones don't help. :)

I am thankful for the progress that we have made over the past 4 years. The Lord has been with us every step of the way. It brings joy to my heart to hear the kids play together and interact with each other. There were times that I wondered if I would ever be allowed to experience that this side of Heaven. Even when the times are rough (this last weekend) they are not as bad as they were. We are making progress and we will continue to help them get better. We are not at the end of our progress and it will be amazing to see where we are at Sadie's first birthday.

Wonder Mill Jr give away

For my mom.

Enter here for you chance to win a Wonder Mill Jr.

Vacation

We are back from our cruise. It was a great weekend. The best since our honeymoon!

We left on Thursday afternoon and when we got to the Airport Darrin found out that his drivers license was expired. We did not think anything of it until we hit Chicago. What if they do not let us on the ship with an expired ID. We made lots of calls and had lots of people praying. Darrin stressed, I was just glad to be on vacation. At this point all expectations for the cruise went out the window. We would just be happy if they let us on the ship.

We were on our way to the Port Authority when Jamie, our group director, called to let us know that we should not bring attention to it and everything should be fine.

After much nervousness we were allowed access to the ship. We did not get off the ship at Nassau because we were afraid they might not let us back on the boat.

We did get off of the boat for Coco Cay. We only needed our seapass to get back on the ship.

After about 1 hour the realization that we were on the ship started to hit. We had made it on and we were about to set sail.

The cruise was more than we could have wished for. All of our meals were provided and the staff on the boat were so very friendly. They met any request that was within their power.

Pictures are posted on my facebook page.

One of the reasons for taking this cruise was to find out information about the Autism on the Seas program. We are very impressed and are planning to take the kids on a cruise next August. The parents that were there raved about their time on the cruises and also put our fears to rest. I can not wait for our next one.

Summer Time

This summer has been one of the best ones yet. The kids have been great and I am sad to think about them returning to school.

There are many things about summer that I love. Some of the best times were had playing in the rain. Rain storms without thunder and lightning are hard to come by. We had one of these this week and I was able to witness my kids making childhood memories.

Die off and Wheat

This die off is about over. I have relatively happy kids again.

I have learned that my body no longer tolerates wheat. If I do eat it I break out under my nose. This is the same thing that Connor does, so I now can tell when I have gotten even a little bit.

Oh well! It does make me wonder what was going on inside my body when I was eating it in vast amounts.

Day 12 of the Shred is done. I hate Jillian. Work out 2 is so much harder than 1. The only reason I am still doing this is because Darrin is doing it with me and the pain brings us closer. :)

What was I thinking?

Really, by this time you would think that I would start to think things through. Nope! Decided to do a Costco run with all of the kids the day after I gave them tons of coconut oil peanut butter fudge. Can we say not so smart.

It did not go too bad, but yesterday was so very much better. The house was very peaceful yesterday. Today we are on an emotional roller coaster. Taylor goes from really giddy to yelling and hitting. Addi is screaming again.

This die off is not as bad as the last one. This is a good thing. The next one will not be as bad as this one. I will know that we have taken care of the yeast when the behavior does not change after eating the fudge.

Fortunately tonight is date night. So sorry Esther!

This will give me a bit of a break.

In other news...We are on day 11 of The Shred! We made it to workout 2. It is really hard, but we are going to keep going. It helps to have Darrin doing it with me.

I am starting to see results so this also keeps me going. Only 19 days to go then we will have to see what we are going to do next.

Since starting this workout, I have so much more energy. The house is cleaned up and I am able to implement the chore charts for the kids. I also find myself much calmer. That will make some of you smile.

Day Two

I completed day 2 of The Shred. I hurt all over, but I am determined to continue.

In other news, Spencer has decided that he wants to be a fireman when he grows up. He plays in a plastic fireman's hat and his snow pants, boots and jacket. He gets very hot, but isn't that what firemen do? It is fun to see him play with thoughts of the future.

Taylor is turning into a jester. He loves to laugh and always says "mom, isn't that funny?" He loves to tickle and chase. He loves to make others laugh. It is really fun to see this side of him developing. His eyes are clearer and he is using longer sentences to communicate. We are seeing so much progress.

Addi is also improving. We still have a scream every once and a while, but nothing like we used to. I will miss her in the mornings next year when she goes to the 1st grade.
Her comprehension is getting better and she has passed Taylor in many areas.
It just proves how important early intervention is with these kids.

Edy is so very pleasant and has decided that she would like to stay home next year. I am happy for this. I would miss her not being here.

Connor starts speech therapy soon. He is not speaking as he should so I called First Steps. It was determined that he does not have the Autism ( big relief here), but he has weak jaw muscles because he got his back teeth late. I can see improvement in his speech even now.

We do need to be a bit more strict with the diet these next few weeks. I really want to push the pro-biotic when they are off of school. I think we will have even more improvement if we do that.

The Lord is doing wonderful things in our lives right now and I am truly thankful.

THE SHRED!!!

I started today!
Day one DONE!!!!

I might do the elliptical this afternoon. I have 30 days and I want to lose 20 lbs.
Here is hoping.

I have also given up Agave nectar for the next 30 days. No desserts. :(

I have Monica Bird and Anne Judd joining me for the 30 days. Feel free to sign in here and join us. It is only 30 days and you will feel fabulous when we are done.

You can get the DVD Jillian Michaels The Shred at any store that sells DVD. It is not expensive and it will change you if you do it.

Come join the fun!

Thanks

Thank you all so very much for your kind words. We have had an eventful week, but as always God has been merciful. There was no pain and I am back to my normal.

I have learned that even through loss, life continues on.
I am continuing on.
I start Jillian's The Shred in hopes of losing my last 20 lbs.
School is out in a week, and we go to CA at the end of June.

We will miss welcoming this little one into the family, but we all know that only God can see the big picture and one day we will all understand. Until then I am at peace to leave the future in His loving hands.

A Time to Learn...and a Time to cry

So many time the Lord gives us precious times to teach our children about him. Today was no exception.
It seems as if the Lord has decided to take our baby home to him. It has been hard for many of us, but it has been a time for us to comfort Edy through loss and draw closer as a family.

I must say that one benefit of Autism is that they do not understand what has happened. They accept that things have changed and move on. Not so easy for the rest of us.

I would appreciate prayer as the miscarriage progresses. I have not had any pain as of yet, but my numbers are at 18 when they should be around 1000. My midwife says that she is pretty sure that we will lose this pregnancy. I am hopeful that it will be without pain, but having experienced this in the past, I am sure there will be some.

We will keep you posted if things change. Thank you.

Improvements and change

Addi has been having wonderful days at school. It has been a very long time since I have received a bad report. She has not had any fruit or juice for a few weeks. She seems to do fine with the Agave nectar, so we will continue the way we are going.

The kids have taken to tea. It is very cute. They like to have "syrup" and "milk" in their tea. I use agave and coconut milk. They then stir it and sing a little chant that they heard on Dora. It is quite amusing.

Other news: Edy announced to me today that she would like to try out public school next year. I have mixed emotions about that. Part of me is selfish and thinks it is a great idea :) the other part of me is very sad and really wants her to remain home. I am trying to set up a date for her to visit the school so she can at least experience it before she would start next year.

I must admit that I am a bit afraid that I have not done my job and she will be behind the other 4th graders. Such a pride issue.

It does not help that I want to burst into tears at most anything that is happening.

So much is changing. I guess I was getting a bit too comfy in my little box.

The Best laid plans...

I have not been much of a planner in the past. As things have progressed with our Autism journey, I have learned to plan. In some ways I like it. I have not become obsessed with my plans, because invariably the Lord changes them.

I am ok with this, because I know that His plan will be much better than the one I had to begin with.

Darrin and I have never "planned" our children. We wanted them from the beginning, but we never said ok, this is when we want them. The Lord just sent them our way. I always thought it would be fun to plan one of them, but after Addi we decided to not have any more and focus on getting the ones we had recovered.

Then 5 years later the Lord sent Connor. He was unplanned, but exactly what this family needed. I have loved having him around and so has everyone else. He is so much fun! I love watching his little brain work. I missed this with the last three and was so tired when Edy was going through this stage that I don't remember it too well. I am so very thankful for this chance.

So the Lord has decided that I get to experience this for a second time. Our family is expanding. This also was not planned. I wanted an April or May baby, but once again the Lord has other plans for us. We will be welcoming our new little one sometime in early to mid January.

I am excited to see what this new little one will add to our family. He/She has already brought a great amount of rejoicing as the children bounced around in jubilation when we told them.
And so our journey adds another.

Good Day and Wear Blue Friday

When school is out it takes me about a week to adjust to the kids being home. I only have 2 days to go and then the week is almost over and they go back.

Today I got much accomplished. It is easy to get a bunch done when my guilty pleasures are being monopolized by the children. Dinner is on and the dishes are done. The house has been cleaned up and vacuumed. Spencer even helped.

As I was doing the dishes Taylor came into the kitchen and says to me "Mom, say high to Ricky." He had the raccoon puppet on his hand. This is a huge break through! He used a complete sentence, he called something by name and he was engaging me in a conversation.

For all the hard work that I have been putting into this diet, it is really starting to pay off.
Taylor has been interacting with the others this week and he has been engaging them in conversation. It has been a very long time since we have had this kind of improvement.

I do not believe that we would have had this improvement had we not done all that we did over the past years. I think that this journey has its stages and that each stage builds on the others. In order to survive this journey you need to take one stage at a time. We could not have done this diet last year. We were not ready and neither were the kids. There is so very much thrown at you when you first start treatment. You feel as if you need to do it all for fear that you will miss the one thing that will bring your child to recovery. This leads to burn out and failure. You are trying so hard to do everything that in the end you are tempted to do nothing. I think that some things need to change when introducing parents to bio med. I think that there should be some set simple things to start, but then add the other things very gradually. To worry about what your child is eating and getting a gazillion supplements down them takes its toll very quickly. This journey is a long one and you need to pace yourself, and I think that this needs to be emphasized to the parents starting out. You are so desperate to find what will help your child that you are out of the gate as if it is the 100 yard dash. We need to come along side these parents just starting out and help them get a good pace and reassure them that if they don't find the "cure" for their child tomorrow all is not lost. It has taken me 2.5 years to learn this.

I used to panic if I thought we weren't doing things right. Maybe if we did things not the way everyone said they needed to be done it wouldn't work. Well, we are not doing this diet exactly the way the book says to. I have added in things that they say are illegal and I have eliminated foods they say are fine. I know my children and we are doing what is best for them. This might not be what is best for someone else. This is what makes Autism unique. Unlike other disease there is no set protocol that help across the board. It is not a cancer that can be treated with chemo. It is a syndrome where each set of parents become their own research scientist to find a "cure" for their children.

April is Autism Awareness Month. This Friday is wear blue for Autism Awareness. Please join me in wearing blue. The report, published by the American Academy of Pediatrics in early October, 2009 indicates that 1 in 91 children has autism, with 1 in 58 boys receiving the diagnosis. This number is markedly higher than previous estimates of 1 in 150 children, and 1 in 94 boys.

Great Book

I have found a wonderful cookbook filled with recipes using almond flour and Agave nectar. We have been using Agave nectar because no one reacts to it. We have problems with honey so we are tailoring this diet to our family.
The book is The Gluten-Free Almond Flour Cookbook. It has changed the way I view this diet. I can have yummy things and not miss out on the forbidden fruit.
You can check out her blog here: www.elanaspantry.com
So far I have made the Carrot Cake, Lemon Bars and Pistachio chicken. Cindy made the jelly bars. Everything has been wonderful!
I have ordered her book from Amazon and it should be here soon.
I also got a book on roasting nuts. I am excited to make them spicy and sweet. These will take the place of our chips and croutons.
I did look at a cookbook for coconut flour, but was not impressed with my results.

Yesterday we had brisket in the crock pot with sweet onions, a wonderful salad that Mary made, deviled eggs and green beans. Everything was so good.

Brisket:
Salt both sides of the brisket.
Place meat fat side down in the crock pot.
Cut up 2 large sweet onions and place over the top of the meat
cook on low for 10 hours.

Deviled eggs:
12 hard boiled eggs cut in half with the yolks put into a separate bowl
1/2 cup homemade mayo.
a few squeezes of whole grain mustard from Trader Joe's
a scant squeeze of Agave nectar
Kirkland season salt to taste

Mix egg yolks and other ingredients
fill egg whites with the egg yolk mixture
Top with paprika for color.

On a side note: A few weeks ago we were wondering how we were going to fit this new diet into our food budget. We have had to raise our budget a bit, but because of Angelo's Railroad and Truck Recovery down on south College we are making it work. The week after we started this diet, Angelo's made a new contact for organic food. I can now get cage free eggs there for $1 a dozen (if I buy 15 dozen) $1.50 each if not and antibiotic, hormone free smoked turkey breast lunch meat for $1 a package. We also find other things there each week. It is amazing to me how the Lord has put everything in order for us.
We are having great success as long as I keep kids off all sugars except Agave and they can not have milk products yet.
This week is spring break and so far the day has been rather pleasant.

Sweet Edy and progress

Edy has been gone for the last week and a half. It is her spring break and she wanted to spend it with Granma. I have missed her, and yet I am glad that she will have the memories that she is making. She was home yesterday for a short time. I am amazed at how grown up she is. The whiny Edy that I had just a few weeks ago is gone. In return my happy chatty Edy is back.
We were able to discuss things that in the past would have sent her into tears.
She told me that she loved this diet. She was feeling so good.

I was going to allow her to have a "cheating" cake on her birthday and now all she is asking for is that after we try a "legal" cake if she doesn't like it could I make her something chocolate.
She has come such a long way in such a short time. How fortunate I am that we took care of these issues before she hit her teenage years.
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Yesterday I had a muffin!! It was so very delicious! I really ate 3. My mom made them. I hope she will post the recipe in the comments so that it can be shared. I can not wait to be able to make them for the kids in about 6 weeks.

We have given up honey and fruit for the next 5 weeks. We were done with bed wetting and after I gave them honey it started up again. We will give their guts time to heal a little more and then try again.

I also have the kids off of dairy. I was supposed to have them off of it for 6 weeks before we started this diet, but I did not know this. We are doing it now. If there is no reaction to the dairy then I will slowly be able to introduce cheese. I miss cheese.

They boys and Addi are continuing to improve and Connor is starting to add new words to his vocabulary. Today he said boo.

We are not doing the diet perfectly. Who can? I am tailoring it to our family. We were not nearly as sick as some who have started this diet, and for that I am thankful.
I am back to making broth. I have found that the family prefers the chicken broth. That is great because it is the cheapest and easiest to make.

Alaina, yes you can use Agave nectar instead of honey. It is not legal on our diet, but it works the same way. Agave does tend to have a slight aftertaste, so you might want to pair it with lemon, lime or chocolate flavoring.