It has been a while....

 My last post was almost 3 years ago. So much has happened. So much that I did not put on paper. So many valleys, so many hurdles, so many times I really thought we would not make it. We did. We always do even if sometimes I don't think we will.

So many emotions these past couple of months. I had to apply for SSI for Tay and Spencer. This brought so many emotions. Not the emotions that dissolving Tay's rights to make decisions for himself brought. This one has cut me to the soul. It feels so permanent. It is just another reminder of what his life is. I am not sorry for us. I am hurting deeply for him. I know that he has no idea what is happening and it will not change his life at all. We try to allow him to make as many decisions for himself as we can. The reality is that he is not able understand the really hard ones. Unless we encounter some sort of miracle, he will always be my man child.

Each stage of life has more reminders and I start the grieving process over. I have to work through the anger all over again. I have to work through the grief in my soul over what he will never get to experience. I know he is happy. He loves his friends, he loves being at home with us, he loves his job and people love him and he touches lives. It does not soften the blows that come at each stage of life. 

So last week I started my self care regiment. I have been doing Low Dose Allergy Therapy over the past year so that gluten does not kill me. I tried fasting for the 3 critical days of the therapy. I made it 52 hrs. Maybe next time I will make it all 3 days.
We are starting a new eating plan. I hope this will help heal my body and get some hormones regulated along with giving my gut a chance to heal.
We will be eating 2 meals a day with our big meal at lunch time. Darrin and I are going to fast for dinner. I sleep better when I do that and find my head is much clearer.
Breakfast will consist of a "keto" smoothie and lunch will be a raw veggie, like salad, a cooked veggie and a grilled meat. Not sure how this will all play out, but we are going to give it a go. I am going to make up some fat bombs of coconut oil to help fight my gut issues. These will also help if I get overly hungry and want to eat my young children. :)
I am also going to try to get 3 miles of walking in a day. That might be all at once or divided into 2. Darrin and I are trying to get a walk in the evening. It helps us connect and talk about our day and days to come without being interrupted by kids. I really enjoy that time with him. It also gets us out into the neighborhood to greet our neighbors.
I am going to be getting my supplements in order to help support my hormones and the healing process of my body. Vit D really is a big part of this. I plan on getting a good dose of that a day while reading out on the back deck.
Moms that care for kids on the Autism Spectrum suffer from a form of PTSD. They have to be on alert 24/7. They are always in fight or flight mode. Their adrenals are run down and their bodies are being destroyed by the stress they live under 24/7.
It is my hope that as I heal my body from the stresses of the past 14 years, that I can help other moms heal or avoid the breakdown of their own bodies.
Self care is important for every mom and woman. We are encouraged and taught that we need to sacrifice all for those around us. We can not effectively do the job we are called to do if we are not healthy and present. Just like athletes train and take care of their bodies so that they can accomplish the job ahead of them, we to, as women, need to train and take care of our bodies so that we can fulfill the call that is on our lives. Yes, things will get done even if we don't, but wouldn't it be more fun if we felt good and had energy to get our work done? This is what I am working towards. 

New Phase of Life

We are entering a new phase of life. Addie is in school now until 3 pm. I have from 9 am - 2:30 pm. This is the first time in 16 years that I have 5.5 hrs with no kids at home. I thought this would happen when Sadie started school, but some other things came up and I ended up with kids at home during different hours. It is quiet in my house during those hours. Who knew the Thompson house could be quiet? I have a new quandary.....What to do with those hours?

Today I went to lunch with Darrin and Papa. I had no where to be and no one to pick up. It was so enjoyable. So peaceful. I am enjoying this season.

I am going to start working to get my health back. The years of hard Autism have taken their toll on my body. Now that I have time, I am going to start taking back some of the areas I have neglected. I want to be healthy so that I can enjoy these wonderful children for years to come.

It has been almost 5 years since I have written here. So much has happened and I am hoping to write about it over the next few months. Right now there is something in my head and heart that the Lord has given me to ponder.
Many people that I know or meet, after hearing our story of Autism, say to me "I could never do what you do." I would usually respond with "Yes you could." I have come to the conclusion: No you could not and neither can I.
Darrin and I have recieved a special calling in life. It was not to the mission field in another country, but to the mission field of those that have been effected by this impossible Spectrum disorder. There are days that I did not want to continue. There are days that life was impossible and I wanted to check out. There have been days of envy of others who seemed to lead charmed lives. There have been days of not wanting to get out of bed knowing what the day held for us. There have been days that it would have been easier for us all to perish.
I only mention this, because this is what I have been pondering.
There is a verse in scripture that has become, almost, a trite saying in the Christian commuity. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. You see it on t-shirts, jewelry, and other such things. This week I have been pondering our life and this verse. I have a new understanding.
Sometimes we are called to live impossible lives. I live an impossible life. I look back on our Autism journey and just shake my head. There is no way that I should be here today, let alone thriving. It is an impossible journey, and I have 5 that we are recovering (Sadie is a force all her own). We have lived in the valley of the shadow of death for years.
My therapist (one of the best things I have ever done) asked me if I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I told her no, but there is light in the tunnel now. We are no longer walking on shards of glass, just sharp stones. Every once and a while, we get a bit of smooth stones thrown in.
Back to the verse I have been pondering. God calls us to impossible lives, because he promises His strength to get through them. I can not do what He has called me to. It is impossible, but his promises are real and close to me. He will give me the strength. He does not give hardship to those who are strong. He give strength to get through that hardship. With that strength comes peace. The peace of knowing that I do not have the strength to continue on, but I do have his strength and nothing can take that down. No one can come against that. He holds the future and I know I have His strength to face it.

I WOULD LIKE SOME MILD PLEASE

So very many of you pray for us and have lifted us up and supported us on this journey which we have been called. It is with great joy and fear that we are embarking the next part of this journey. Each new development holds joy and fear. Taylor was retested this past month to see where he fell on the bell curve of the spectrum. In his behavior he is still moderate and will need behavior support, but in other areas he has been moved to mild! Yes, MILD!!!! Just typing that brings overwhelming emotions.  The journey continues as we learn about what this means for him. Part of what it means is that he is going to be spending more time in the general ed class. By the time we hit middle school he might be full gen ed. It is also scary. Questions are flying through my brain. How will he do in the gen ed class? Will there be an aid to help him? Is this what is best for him? We have an IEP meeting next week and many of those questions will be answered. So for tonight I am going to rejoice in the work of the Lord. It is He that has guided us down this path, showed us where He wants us to go and what turns to take. It is you all that have lifted our arms and encouraged us when we could not walk anymore on our own. It is only fitting that we rejoice with you. We would not be here, but for your encouragement. I am excited to see what the next year will bring. I am encouraged to once again do full GAPS with the kids and really get some good healing done over the summer. This just gave me the push that I needed.

Life keeps moving

It has been forever since I have sat down to blog. I guess that is a good thing. It means that the kids are progressing and life is full.

Taylor has really picked up his speech communication. He is speaking in full sentences and the echoing back of what we say to answer us is almost all gone. It is amazing. It seems that we always have these growths after a very hard regression week.

Addi is moving forward and now only needs help during lunch and recess.

Spencer is on his own in 2nd grade and is keeping up. He has improved greatly since the beginning of the year. His test scores show considerable progress.

We are getting ready to have a new little one join our family. We are almost to the 2 week countdown. The crib is ready and I just need to get some odds and ends and we will be good to go.

Since it is a time for change we were needing to rethink how we were utilizing the spaces in our house. I have always wanted a guest room, but due to our growing numbers that has been put aside. We have turned the guest room into the girls play room. Now their room is just a bed room. It will be used when we do have guests. Edy has the closet in the playroom as her own special locked place so she can store special treasures there without anyone else accessing them. It has turned out really well and I think that she and Addi will have an easier time keeping it cleaned up.

The loft is now the "boys toy area." Eventually their room will also be just their bed room. It gives a bit more room for them to be able to spread out and I have found if you have a bit more room things tend to stay cleaned up a bit more.

One of my sad moments switching out the rooms was the pictures that I came across. There were some professional photos of the boys and Edy. Edy was 2 and the boys were around 1. The smiles and clarity of their eyes brought a wave emotion. SO many times throughout the months and years I forget that at one time I had normal kids. I need to remember that life was normal at one point and time. They were so very cute in the pictures, and so very bright. Even now just thinking about the pictures brings me to tears. As much as I think I have moved passed the grief of losing my kids, sometimes it sneaks up on me and hits me at very odd times. Pregnancy hormones don't help. :)

I am thankful for the progress that we have made over the past 4 years. The Lord has been with us every step of the way. It brings joy to my heart to hear the kids play together and interact with each other. There were times that I wondered if I would ever be allowed to experience that this side of Heaven. Even when the times are rough (this last weekend) they are not as bad as they were. We are making progress and we will continue to help them get better. We are not at the end of our progress and it will be amazing to see where we are at Sadie's first birthday.

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