Autism, The Road Less Traveled

Life keeps moving

2011-03-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

It has been forever since I have sat down to blog. I guess that is a good thing. It means that the kids are progressing and life is full.

Taylor has really picked up his speech communication. He is speaking in full sentences and the echoing back of what we say to answer us is almost all gone. It is amazing. It seems that we always have these growths after a very hard regression week.

Addi is moving forward and now only needs help during lunch and recess.

Spencer is on his own in 2nd grade and is keeping up. He has improved greatly since the beginning of the year. His test scores show considerable progress.

We are getting ready to have a new little one join our family. We are almost to the 2 week countdown. The crib is ready and I just need to get some odds and ends and we will be good to go.

Since it is a time for change we were needing to rethink how we were utilizing the spaces in our house. I have always wanted a guest room, but due to our growing numbers that has been put aside. We have turned the guest room into the girls play room. Now their room is just a bed room. It will be used when we do have guests. Edy has the closet in the playroom as her own special locked place so she can store special treasures there without anyone else accessing them. It has turned out really well and I think that she and Addi will have an easier time keeping it cleaned up.

The loft is now the "boys toy area." Eventually their room will also be just their bed room. It gives a bit more room for them to be able to spread out and I have found if you have a bit more room things tend to stay cleaned up a bit more.

One of my sad moments switching out the rooms was the pictures that I came across. There were some professional photos of the boys and Edy. Edy was 2 and the boys were around 1. The smiles and clarity of their eyes brought a wave emotion. SO many times throughout the months and years I forget that at one time I had normal kids. I need to remember that life was normal at one point and time. They were so very cute in the pictures, and so very bright. Even now just thinking about the pictures brings me to tears. As much as I think I have moved passed the grief of losing my kids, sometimes it sneaks up on me and hits me at very odd times. Pregnancy hormones don't help. :)

I am thankful for the progress that we have made over the past 4 years. The Lord has been with us every step of the way. It brings joy to my heart to hear the kids play together and interact with each other. There were times that I wondered if I would ever be allowed to experience that this side of Heaven. Even when the times are rough (this last weekend) they are not as bad as they were. We are making progress and we will continue to help them get better. We are not at the end of our progress and it will be amazing to see where we are at Sadie's first birthday.

Wonder Mill Jr give away

2011-02-11T08:05:00.001-08:00

For my mom.

Enter here for you chance to win a Wonder Mill Jr.

Vacation

2010-09-07T07:36:00.000-07:00

We are back from our cruise. It was a great weekend. The best since our honeymoon!

We left on Thursday afternoon and when we got to the Airport Darrin found out that his drivers license was expired. We did not think anything of it until we hit Chicago. What if they do not let us on the ship with an expired ID. We made lots of calls and had lots of people praying. Darrin stressed, I was just glad to be on vacation. At this point all expectations for the cruise went out the window. We would just be happy if they let us on the ship.

We were on our way to the Port Authority when Jamie, our group director, called to let us know that we should not bring attention to it and everything should be fine.

After much nervousness we were allowed access to the ship. We did not get off the ship at Nassau because we were afraid they might not let us back on the boat.

We did get off of the boat for Coco Cay. We only needed our seapass to get back on the ship.

After about 1 hour the realization that we were on the ship started to hit. We had made it on and we were about to set sail.

The cruise was more than we could have wished for. All of our meals were provided and the staff on the boat were so very friendly. They met any request that was within their power.

Pictures are posted on my facebook page.

One of the reasons for taking this cruise was to find out information about the Autism on the Seas program. We are very impressed and are planning to take the kids on a cruise next August. The parents that were there raved about their time on the cruises and also put our fears to rest. I can not wait for our next one.

Summer Time

2010-07-22T09:31:00.000-07:00

This summer has been one of the best ones yet. The kids have been great and I am sad to think about them returning to school.

There are many things about summer that I love. Some of the best times were had playing in the rain. Rain storms without thunder and lightning are hard to come by. We had one of these this week and I was able to witness my kids making childhood memories.

Die off and Wheat

2010-05-28T06:10:00.000-07:00

This die off is about over. I have relatively happy kids again.

I have learned that my body no longer tolerates wheat. If I do eat it I break out under my nose. This is the same thing that Connor does, so I now can tell when I have gotten even a little bit.

Oh well! It does make me wonder what was going on inside my body when I was eating it in vast amounts.

Day 12 of the Shred is done. I hate Jillian. Work out 2 is so much harder than 1. The only reason I am still doing this is because Darrin is doing it with me and the pain brings us closer. :)

What was I thinking?

2010-05-27T10:45:00.001-07:00

Really, by this time you would think that I would start to think things through. Nope! Decided to do a Costco run with all of the kids the day after I gave them tons of coconut oil peanut butter fudge. Can we say not so smart.

It did not go too bad, but yesterday was so very much better. The house was very peaceful yesterday. Today we are on an emotional roller coaster. Taylor goes from really giddy to yelling and hitting. Addi is screaming again.

This die off is not as bad as the last one. This is a good thing. The next one will not be as bad as this one. I will know that we have taken care of the yeast when the behavior does not change after eating the fudge.

Fortunately tonight is date night. So sorry Esther!

This will give me a bit of a break.

In other news...We are on day 11 of The Shred! We made it to workout 2. It is really hard, but we are going to keep going. It helps to have Darrin doing it with me.

I am starting to see results so this also keeps me going. Only 19 days to go then we will have to see what we are going to do next.

Since starting this workout, I have so much more energy. The house is cleaned up and I am able to implement the chore charts for the kids. I also find myself much calmer. That will make some of you smile.

Day Two

2010-05-18T06:10:00.001-07:00

I completed day 2 of The Shred. I hurt all over, but I am determined to continue.

In other news, Spencer has decided that he wants to be a fireman when he grows up. He plays in a plastic fireman's hat and his snow pants, boots and jacket. He gets very hot, but isn't that what firemen do? It is fun to see him play with thoughts of the future.

Taylor is turning into a jester. He loves to laugh and always says "mom, isn't that funny?" He loves to tickle and chase. He loves to make others laugh. It is really fun to see this side of him developing. His eyes are clearer and he is using longer sentences to communicate. We are seeing so much progress.

Addi is also improving. We still have a scream every once and a while, but nothing like we used to. I will miss her in the mornings next year when she goes to the 1st grade.
Her comprehension is getting better and she has passed Taylor in many areas.
It just proves how important early intervention is with these kids.

Edy is so very pleasant and has decided that she would like to stay home next year. I am happy for this. I would miss her not being here.

Connor starts speech therapy soon. He is not speaking as he should so I called First Steps. It was determined that he does not have the Autism ( big relief here), but he has weak jaw muscles because he got his back teeth late. I can see improvement in his speech even now.

We do need to be a bit more strict with the diet these next few weeks. I really want to push the pro-biotic when they are off of school. I think we will have even more improvement if we do that.

The Lord is doing wonderful things in our lives right now and I am truly thankful.

THE SHRED!!!

2010-05-17T06:26:00.000-07:00

I started today!
Day one DONE!!!!

I might do the elliptical this afternoon. I have 30 days and I want to lose 20 lbs.
Here is hoping.

I have also given up Agave nectar for the next 30 days. No desserts. :(

I have Monica Bird and Anne Judd joining me for the 30 days. Feel free to sign in here and join us. It is only 30 days and you will feel fabulous when we are done.

You can get the DVD Jillian Michaels The Shred at any store that sells DVD. It is not expensive and it will change you if you do it.

Come join the fun!

Thanks

2010-05-14T11:32:00.000-07:00

Thank you all so very much for your kind words. We have had an eventful week, but as always God has been merciful. There was no pain and I am back to my normal.

I have learned that even through loss, life continues on.
I am continuing on.
I start Jillian's The Shred in hopes of losing my last 20 lbs.
School is out in a week, and we go to CA at the end of June.

We will miss welcoming this little one into the family, but we all know that only God can see the big picture and one day we will all understand. Until then I am at peace to leave the future in His loving hands.

A Time to Learn...and a Time to cry

2010-05-11T14:34:00.000-07:00

So many time the Lord gives us precious times to teach our children about him. Today was no exception.
It seems as if the Lord has decided to take our baby home to him. It has been hard for many of us, but it has been a time for us to comfort Edy through loss and draw closer as a family.

I must say that one benefit of Autism is that they do not understand what has happened. They accept that things have changed and move on. Not so easy for the rest of us.

I would appreciate prayer as the miscarriage progresses. I have not had any pain as of yet, but my numbers are at 18 when they should be around 1000. My midwife says that she is pretty sure that we will lose this pregnancy. I am hopeful that it will be without pain, but having experienced this in the past, I am sure there will be some.

We will keep you posted if things change. Thank you.

Improvements and change

2010-05-05T13:13:00.000-07:00

Addi has been having wonderful days at school. It has been a very long time since I have received a bad report. She has not had any fruit or juice for a few weeks. She seems to do fine with the Agave nectar, so we will continue the way we are going.

The kids have taken to tea. It is very cute. They like to have "syrup" and "milk" in their tea. I use agave and coconut milk. They then stir it and sing a little chant that they heard on Dora. It is quite amusing.

Other news: Edy announced to me today that she would like to try out public school next year. I have mixed emotions about that. Part of me is selfish and thinks it is a great idea :) the other part of me is very sad and really wants her to remain home. I am trying to set up a date for her to visit the school so she can at least experience it before she would start next year.

I must admit that I am a bit afraid that I have not done my job and she will be behind the other 4th graders. Such a pride issue.

It does not help that I want to burst into tears at most anything that is happening.

So much is changing. I guess I was getting a bit too comfy in my little box.

The Best laid plans...

2010-05-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

I have not been much of a planner in the past. As things have progressed with our Autism journey, I have learned to plan. In some ways I like it. I have not become obsessed with my plans, because invariably the Lord changes them.

I am ok with this, because I know that His plan will be much better than the one I had to begin with.

Darrin and I have never "planned" our children. We wanted them from the beginning, but we never said ok, this is when we want them. The Lord just sent them our way. I always thought it would be fun to plan one of them, but after Addi we decided to not have any more and focus on getting the ones we had recovered.

Then 5 years later the Lord sent Connor. He was unplanned, but exactly what this family needed. I have loved having him around and so has everyone else. He is so much fun! I love watching his little brain work. I missed this with the last three and was so tired when Edy was going through this stage that I don't remember it too well. I am so very thankful for this chance.

So the Lord has decided that I get to experience this for a second time. Our family is expanding. This also was not planned. I wanted an April or May baby, but once again the Lord has other plans for us. We will be welcoming our new little one sometime in early to mid January.

I am excited to see what this new little one will add to our family. He/She has already brought a great amount of rejoicing as the children bounced around in jubilation when we told them.
And so our journey adds another.

Good Day and Wear Blue Friday

2010-03-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

When school is out it takes me about a week to adjust to the kids being home. I only have 2 days to go and then the week is almost over and they go back.

Today I got much accomplished. It is easy to get a bunch done when my guilty pleasures are being monopolized by the children. Dinner is on and the dishes are done. The house has been cleaned up and vacuumed. Spencer even helped.

As I was doing the dishes Taylor came into the kitchen and says to me "Mom, say high to Ricky." He had the raccoon puppet on his hand. This is a huge break through! He used a complete sentence, he called something by name and he was engaging me in a conversation.

For all the hard work that I have been putting into this diet, it is really starting to pay off.
Taylor has been interacting with the others this week and he has been engaging them in conversation. It has been a very long time since we have had this kind of improvement.

I do not believe that we would have had this improvement had we not done all that we did over the past years. I think that this journey has its stages and that each stage builds on the others. In order to survive this journey you need to take one stage at a time. We could not have done this diet last year. We were not ready and neither were the kids. There is so very much thrown at you when you first start treatment. You feel as if you need to do it all for fear that you will miss the one thing that will bring your child to recovery. This leads to burn out and failure. You are trying so hard to do everything that in the end you are tempted to do nothing. I think that some things need to change when introducing parents to bio med. I think that there should be some set simple things to start, but then add the other things very gradually. To worry about what your child is eating and getting a gazillion supplements down them takes its toll very quickly. This journey is a long one and you need to pace yourself, and I think that this needs to be emphasized to the parents starting out. You are so desperate to find what will help your child that you are out of the gate as if it is the 100 yard dash. We need to come along side these parents just starting out and help them get a good pace and reassure them that if they don't find the "cure" for their child tomorrow all is not lost. It has taken me 2.5 years to learn this.

I used to panic if I thought we weren't doing things right. Maybe if we did things not the way everyone said they needed to be done it wouldn't work. Well, we are not doing this diet exactly the way the book says to. I have added in things that they say are illegal and I have eliminated foods they say are fine. I know my children and we are doing what is best for them. This might not be what is best for someone else. This is what makes Autism unique. Unlike other disease there is no set protocol that help across the board. It is not a cancer that can be treated with chemo. It is a syndrome where each set of parents become their own research scientist to find a "cure" for their children.

April is Autism Awareness Month. This Friday is wear blue for Autism Awareness. Please join me in wearing blue. The report, published by the American Academy of Pediatrics in early October, 2009 indicates that 1 in 91 children has autism, with 1 in 58 boys receiving the diagnosis. This number is markedly higher than previous estimates of 1 in 150 children, and 1 in 94 boys.

Great Book

2010-03-29T08:58:00.000-07:00

I have found a wonderful cookbook filled with recipes using almond flour and Agave nectar. We have been using Agave nectar because no one reacts to it. We have problems with honey so we are tailoring this diet to our family.
The book is The Gluten-Free Almond Flour Cookbook. It has changed the way I view this diet. I can have yummy things and not miss out on the forbidden fruit.
You can check out her blog here: www.elanaspantry.com
So far I have made the Carrot Cake, Lemon Bars and Pistachio chicken. Cindy made the jelly bars. Everything has been wonderful!
I have ordered her book from Amazon and it should be here soon.
I also got a book on roasting nuts. I am excited to make them spicy and sweet. These will take the place of our chips and croutons.
I did look at a cookbook for coconut flour, but was not impressed with my results.

Yesterday we had brisket in the crock pot with sweet onions, a wonderful salad that Mary made, deviled eggs and green beans. Everything was so good.

Brisket:
Salt both sides of the brisket.
Place meat fat side down in the crock pot.
Cut up 2 large sweet onions and place over the top of the meat
cook on low for 10 hours.

Deviled eggs:
12 hard boiled eggs cut in half with the yolks put into a separate bowl
1/2 cup homemade mayo.
a few squeezes of whole grain mustard from Trader Joe's
a scant squeeze of Agave nectar
Kirkland season salt to taste

Mix egg yolks and other ingredients
fill egg whites with the egg yolk mixture
Top with paprika for color.

On a side note: A few weeks ago we were wondering how we were going to fit this new diet into our food budget. We have had to raise our budget a bit, but because of Angelo's Railroad and Truck Recovery down on south College we are making it work. The week after we started this diet, Angelo's made a new contact for organic food. I can now get cage free eggs there for $1 a dozen (if I buy 15 dozen) $1.50 each if not and antibiotic, hormone free smoked turkey breast lunch meat for $1 a package. We also find other things there each week. It is amazing to me how the Lord has put everything in order for us.
We are having great success as long as I keep kids off all sugars except Agave and they can not have milk products yet.
This week is spring break and so far the day has been rather pleasant.

Sweet Edy and progress

2010-03-18T07:48:00.000-07:00

Edy has been gone for the last week and a half. It is her spring break and she wanted to spend it with Granma. I have missed her, and yet I am glad that she will have the memories that she is making. She was home yesterday for a short time. I am amazed at how grown up she is. The whiny Edy that I had just a few weeks ago is gone. In return my happy chatty Edy is back.
We were able to discuss things that in the past would have sent her into tears.
She told me that she loved this diet. She was feeling so good.

I was going to allow her to have a "cheating" cake on her birthday and now all she is asking for is that after we try a "legal" cake if she doesn't like it could I make her something chocolate.
She has come such a long way in such a short time. How fortunate I am that we took care of these issues before she hit her teenage years.
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Yesterday I had a muffin!! It was so very delicious! I really ate 3. My mom made them. I hope she will post the recipe in the comments so that it can be shared. I can not wait to be able to make them for the kids in about 6 weeks.

We have given up honey and fruit for the next 5 weeks. We were done with bed wetting and after I gave them honey it started up again. We will give their guts time to heal a little more and then try again.

I also have the kids off of dairy. I was supposed to have them off of it for 6 weeks before we started this diet, but I did not know this. We are doing it now. If there is no reaction to the dairy then I will slowly be able to introduce cheese. I miss cheese.

They boys and Addi are continuing to improve and Connor is starting to add new words to his vocabulary. Today he said boo.

We are not doing the diet perfectly. Who can? I am tailoring it to our family. We were not nearly as sick as some who have started this diet, and for that I am thankful.
I am back to making broth. I have found that the family prefers the chicken broth. That is great because it is the cheapest and easiest to make.

Alaina, yes you can use Agave nectar instead of honey. It is not legal on our diet, but it works the same way. Agave does tend to have a slight aftertaste, so you might want to pair it with lemon, lime or chocolate flavoring.

One Week Later

2010-03-09T06:27:00.000-08:00

We are starting to get back on the regiment of the GAPS diet, after the stomach flu, and we are finding a new normal. I now know why women stayed home way back when. I am in the kitchen about 8 hours a day just preparing for future food consumption. This will drop off here this week as I get our frig stocked with homemade condiments.

We are seeing language growth and comprehension. We are totally supplement free except for pro-biotic, fish oil and vitamins E and K. We will also be continuing with the B12 shots. We are a bit obsessive right now, but I can handle that. I don't want them on too many supplements right now because I want to be able to track how they are doing on this diet. If it gets to be too much we might add a few back in just to give us a break, but so far we are doing a little better then we were a few week ago on all of the supplements. Connor also seems to be starting to develop his language. I here new sounds this week and Edy's moodiness is almost non-existent. It was back a bit while on the honey, but she is so easy to be around now.

It took me over 2 hours to prepare dinner on Sunday.
I made buns and ketchup. My ketchup needs a bit of help and once I perfect it I will post the recipe here.
The buns were a pancake, but the kids and Darrin liked them. They did not have great flavor by themselves, but were good with the burgers.
I also made mayonnaise. Once you have homemade mayonnaise you will never go back. It is so much better than store bought, and you loose all the added junk.
For those who are concerned about the raw eggs in it, Ruth Enas told me that the acid that you use in the mayonnaise kills anything bad in the raw eggs.
You can find mayonnaise recipes online.

On Saturday we had Greek Chicken with Taziki sauce and salad.
I marinated the chicken:
Juice of one lemon
1/2 c olive oil
3 cloves of garlic, with the garlic press
1 T salt
fresh Greek oregano

Let this marinate for about 2 hours, best if it goes over night.
Grill.

Taziki sauce:
2 Cups Greek yogurt
juice from 1/2 lemon
1 clove crushed garlic
2 pickle cucumbers peeled, de-seeded and diced
Salt to taste
Mix ingredients and let sit for about 2 hours in the frig.

We tried some honey this weekend and had some regression. We will drop it for a few weeks after my Dad's birthday.
I did make the most wonderful custard.
Coconut Milk Custard:
5 eggs
1 C coconut milk (we use Trader Joe's because it does not contain guar gum.)
1t vanilla
1/2 t salt
1/2 t cinnamon
3T honey
mix ingredients together and pour into an 8x8 pan
make sure you have another pan that this pan will sit in.
Place the 8x8 pan in another pan and fill this pan half way with hot water.
Bake at 325 for 30 - 40 minutes.

This is good hot or cold. My kids LOVED it and so did I.
We are going to have this for my dad's birthday with caramelized apples on top and I am planning to make something like whipped cream with the "cream cheese" that I get from draining off the yogurt. I will have Amy take a picture so that I can post it.

We also had peanut butter pancakes this weekend.
6 eggs
3T peanut butter
1t vanilla
1T honey
1/2 t salt

Mix together and cook like a pancake using coconut oil.
The kids ate them up. We used a bit of honey for syrup.

I will keep them off of the honey for the rest of this week and see how they do on Saturday after eating it on Friday night. It might be that they can have a little on special occasions and we just over did it a bit this weekend.

Getting better

2010-03-02T08:08:00.000-08:00

I had it this morning. I was tired and hungry and I was done.
It did not help that we were struck with the stomach flu the weekend that we started this diet. The diet is hard enough without the added burden.

I caved and made some bacon. Don't panic it is no hormone, no antibiotic and no nitrates bacon. Connor has been scarfing it down. We are doing the egg sensitivity test tonight and if all goes well we will introduce eggs tomorrow to the kids. I ate some today. Me being light headed was not helping the situation. We are going to continue today with blended soups.

Since we did Cilantro soup yesterday today it will be the Butternut squash soup with some chicken on the side.
Tomorrow we will do cream of mushroom.

Our goal for today is to get the homemade yogurt and broth down the kids. We have conceded that it is better to get some of the good thing down them then to follow the diet so strictly.
The flu was actually made a bit worse because I could not feed them the normal things and therefore they were not eating and getting weaker.

The kids are feeling better today so I might be able to send them to school tomorrow which will be a wonderful break for me.

No Meds

2010-03-01T13:47:00.000-08:00

We have taken the kids off of their meds for the beginning of this diet. So far we have had mostly peace. This would be fabulous if we did not have to do meds from now on. We will need to continue on the probiotic, but this diet should heal our guts so that our bodies can take from the food the things that it needs to function at its best level.

My doctor's appointment went well today. She is checking my blood sugar levels, cholesterol and thyroid function. I also got an EKG. She found that my left ventricle has an extra beat. I told Darrin it was an extra beat for him. :)
I am scheduled for an ultrasound on my heart for March 11th. She just wants to be cautious and make sure nothing is wrong. She thinks everything is fine because I successfully carried 4 pregnancies without a hitch, one being twins. We shall see.

It does seem funny to me that in all these past 20 years, I have had heart palpitations and through all of the doctor visits that I have had during pregnancy and the doctors visits that I had to figure out why my heart palpitated, It is now that she finds an extra beat when we weren't looking for it. I love Dr. Hulseman!

Today I do feel good. I am going through a bit of carb withdraw, but my mind is much clearer than it has been in a long time. I am a bit hungry, but this will pass as I figure out different snack that we as a family can have.

We did keep the kids home from school today and Darrin took a sick day. It is much easier to all be home together during this time. We will all be home tomorrow again and then see how it goes for Wednesday.
_______
Well, I was just interrupted by Taylor tossing his cookies. So much for my die off theory. We will see how this progresses.

More soup

2010-03-01T04:45:00.000-08:00

I did not know that I could ever get tired of soup, yet here I am. I am going to try to do more blended soups in order to avoid the broth taste.
Tonight I will do Butternut squash soup.

Cut up one butternut squash, peeled and seeded, into 1/2 in squares.
Cut up 5 carrots, peeled, into a rough chop.
Cover with coconut oil and salt.
Roast in the oven at 450 degrees until the veggies are soft.

In a stock pan, add about 3T coconut oil.
Add to it 1 large sweet onion.
Cook the onion on medium heat until caramelized.

Add the squash and carrots to the onion
Add 2 quarts of chicken stock.
Blend soup in the blender til smooth.
Return to your stock pot and salt to taste.

I will let you know how we like this one.
Darrin and I are adding a dollop of homemade yogurt as a garnish. This has added a new texture to the soups and makes it a bit easier to get all of this soup down.

Spencer has also requested cilantro soup for dinner.
We usually eat this with noodles and cheese, but both of those will be left out tonight.

Cilantro Soup:
2lb Chicken, you can use boneless breasts or thighs
1 Quart of tomatoes
1 large onion
2T crushed red pepper (we will be leaving this out tonight also)
3 cloves garlic
1 medium bunch of cilantro
Salt to taste
2 qts Chicken stock

Saute your onions in coconut oil until soft
add the crushed red pepper
add crushed or diced garlic
add your chicken and cook through
add tomatoes and broth.
Add as much cilantro as you would like. (we prefer to use the whole bunch) I wash the cilantro and then chop up the top.
Let simmer for about 20 Minutes.

Non gaps:
Boil one lb of rotini noodles
chunk up a block of Monterrey Jack cheese.

Put the noodles in the bottom of a bowl
top with cheese chunks
Pour hot soup over noodles and cheese
Let sit for a minute so that the cheese has time to melt.

This soup is a family favorite and I am sure that there will not be much left tonight.

We have started

2010-02-28T05:30:00.000-08:00

We officially started the GAPS diet yesterday. It went a bit easier then expected. We were able to get broth down Taylor and he ate well the rest of the day.

The kids loved the tomato soup for lunch and for snack I added Italian herbs and meatballs. We all ate it up. For dinner we had broth and chicken. We will be going through a lot of chicken this week. I added lemon juice and sage to the chicken and it was wonderful.
Today I will be making chicken veggie soup. I have some broccoli, cauliflower, carrot and summer squash mixture in the freezer. I am going to roast these veggies with some coconut oil fresh herbs, and salt.

No spices are used right now, but we can use fresh herbs.

Mom and I went to the Garden Center on Friday and bought herb plants. The men who work there are so very nice and helpful. I will go there from now on to get my gardening needs.

Attitudes seem good. We have had a few meltdowns, but for the most part the kids are dong better than they have for a long time.

Addi had the stomach flu yesterday and Edy had it today. I do have to say that usually the stomach flu takes Edy out for a good 2 days. It only lasted a few hours. I am waiting to see if it blows through the rest of the family. That is the fastest that we have ever gotten over the stomach flu.

My stomach looks flatter today and I am not as bloated as I have been in the past. So far I am down 4 lbs. I know that a lot of it is water weight and I do need to eat more today because I am still nursing the baby.

Connor ate more meat yesterday then he has any other day of his little life. This is encouraging. He was still a bit whiny yesterday, but not nearly so much as in the past.

Here are the recipes for the things I have made so far and what is for lunch/dinner today.

Stock:
For an average stock pot size:
3 lbs of chicken or beef bones and meat.
1 onion
5 carrots
2 cups of diced celery
salt
pepper corns
Filtered water to top of pan

Brown your bones and place them in the bottom of your stock pot. Add the veggies. fill with your water. Let this come to a boil. Turn the heat down to a simmer and let this cook for 24 hrs. The longer you cook your stock the more good stuff you will get out of your bones and meat.

Tomato soup:
1 stick of butter, or 1/2 c of coconut oil
One onion
1 quart of tomatoes
1quart of chicken stock
salt to taste

Saute your onions in your fat until they caramelize. add your tomatoes, chicken broth and salt. Let this simmer for about 20 minutes.

Put the soup in the blender and blend til smooth.

I add oregano and basil for an Italian taste.

To this I added meatballs. We are not doing eggs this week so these are eggless.
3 lbs of organic ground meat
2T oregano
2T basil (I will use fresh herbs when my plants get a bit bigger.)
3 cloves crushed garlic.

Make into 1 inch balls and line them on a jellyroll pan.
Bake in the oven for 20 min at 400.
Put into soup base.

Chicken veggie:
3lbs Chicken
2 bags of vegetable medley mix
3 quarts of chicken stock

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees
Mix your veggies with coconut oil, salt and fresh rosemary
Put them in a dish so that the bottom is covered. do not crowd the veggies
Roast for about 30 min.

While the veggies are roasting saute your chicken in coconut oil. When the chicken is about done add 1/3 cup of lemon juice and a few leaves of fresh sage. Salt to taste.

Add the roasted veggies and stock to the chicken. Simmer for about 10 minutes.
Salt to taste.

I have purchased natural hot dogs that are going over well for a snack. We are encouraged that we are already seeing some small improvements in the kids, not to mention that by the time we have our family reunion I will be one hot mama! :)

Preparation

2010-02-26T05:49:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow we start the GAPS diet. It has taken this week to prepare.
I have made 3.5 quarts of beef stock and I will be making another 7 quarts today.
I am also in the process of making about 7 quarts of chicken stock.
I will probably be making stock every night for the next few weeks.
I have made about 1.5 quarts of sauerkraut. I will probably be making this a few times a week.
Today I need to make yogurt so that I have enough whey for the next few weeks.
Tomorrow I will go shopping with Cindy so that we can get organic ingredients for the soups that we will be eating this week.

Darrin and I have started reading through the Gut and Psychology Syndrome book. It is fascinating. Breaking the Vicious Cycle did not go into the detail and scientific study and theory the way this book does. This book gives you a great foundation of the why not just the how. I think this is important. It is so much easier to keep going with something that is hard if you know why you do it, not just how it is done.

We will be on the diet for the next 2 years. When we are done we will probably continue with the basics here at home, but we will be free to eat "normally" when we are not at home.

I do hope that in that 2 years that our eating preferences will change and that we will want to make wise choices in our eating. I do not want my kids to fall back into their present eating habits.

Who knows what the next 2 years will bring, but we are optimistically hopeful for the future.

New Phase

2010-02-25T07:03:00.000-08:00

We are starting a new phase of our journey. On Saturday we will officially be on the GAPS diet. You can see it here. We will be using this diet for the next 2 years.
It is very much like the SC diet that we did when I was pregnant with Connor. It has some variations that are a bit more difficult, but should prove to heal the kids and the grown up guts.

The introduction diet starts with homemade stock that I am making form ox tail for the beef stock and chicken feet for the chicken stock.
The purpose of the stock is to get the good beef and chicken fat and the healing properties that are in the bone marrow and connective tissues. The ox tail and chicken feet need to be organic so that the antibiotics and other things fed to "normal" animals is not transferred to those eating the stock.

I have also made sauerkraut for the first time. In the first weeks we will be using the fermented juices that contain probiotics.

One of the main purposes of the introduction diet is to get the body used to an over abundance of probiotics.
We are healing the gut with the broth and getting the gut flora in balance with the probiotic.

For week one our daily food intake will look like this:

Morning:
Wake up and drink 1 cup of filtered water and a dose of probiotic.
Around 10 am a cup of broth with a bit of probiotic liquid and meat chunks added.
for lunch will be soup made with fresh veggies, organic meat and stock. A bit of probiotic liquid will be added to each bowl.
Afternoon: Stock when hungry with probiotic and meat added
Dinner: Soup of fresh veggies, organic meat and probiotic liquid.
Snack: Stock with probiotic and meat.

The stock can be eaten any time during the day when you are hungry.

There are 6 stages to the introductory diet. I will be taking one stage per week.
We should be able to move through this fairly quickly since the kids are not as sick as some of the other children on the spectrum.

After week one we will slowly be adding in foods. Next week is fresh egg yolks, yum! :(
I hope to post each day the recipes that I used for that day so that in the end I will have some recipes to pass on to others who wish to use this diet to help their children with gut issues.

My hope in doing this diet is that we see some significant progress with the kids, we have not seen any big leaps for awhile, and that in the end I have made this diet workable for those that are facing the mountain of Autism.

The diagnosis of Autism in itself is a mountain. Add onto that all of the supplements and other treatments and a person can start to suffer a mental breakdown. I hope to make at least one of those steps as simple as possible by giving step by step instructions. If I can make this diet a no brainier, just follow the steps before you, then it will give caregivers of children with autism a bit of a mental break and maybe we can get more people using this method of treatment.

I am looking for soup ideas for this next week. They need to be broth based.
So far I have:
Beef veggie
Chicken Veggie
Tomato
Split Pea
Cilantro
Chicken Mushroom with spinach
French onion
Butternut squash
Cream of Mushroom (chicken based with yogurt used as the cream and probiotic added before eating)

I would appreciate any suggestions and recipes for other broth based soups. They need to contain no starches, just fresh organic ingredients.

Communication

2010-02-02T10:41:00.000-08:00

It is very exciting that the kids are becoming much more verbal, but this also creates new challenges for us as parents.

Normally if Edy says something inappropriate I can speak with her and she understands that it was either not the right time to say it or not right to say at all.

With Addi it has been more difficult. She likes to repeat what she has heard. She is starting to come up with and express many of her own thoughts, but she is still very quick to repeat what she has heard.

The other day I was on a field trip with her and her kindergarten class. There is a little girl in her class named Abby. She is a bit on the heavy side. We were standing next to her and Addi proceeds to point and say "Abby is fat." I was horrified. I know Abby heard her. I also know that this was not an original thought of Addi's.

It is very sad for me to know that there are kids in her class that are saying things like this about another little girl. I want to teach Addi that this is not a kind statement and that it is not for us to judge and we should be kind and loving toward Abby, but she does not understand. All I can tell her is that we don't say that. That is about the extent of her understanding.

And so we enter a new and challenging time of parenting our Autistic and for that matter normal children.

Carpet

2010-01-31T14:45:00.000-08:00

We purposefully did not replace our carpet when we moved into this house. With 3 kids under the age of 2 we decided that it would not be the best use of money. This left me free to relax if anything got spilled on it.

The boys would spit up continuously and it went everywhere. We have cleaned the carpets over and over and thankfully they have held up.

Our latest round with the carpet is with Addi. She does not think it necessary to go potty in the potty, but prefers to use the carpet because it is warmer than the potty seat. We are working to remedy this and it has gotten better, but I could not figure out if it was on purpose of if something was going terribly wrong in her head and/or body. This is not uncommon with children with Autism, so we needed to find out what was behind it to be able to deal with it.

We got a big clue one evening.
We had received a package from Darrin's brother Drew and his wife. In this package Drew had used a very colorful m&m fleece blanket as part of the packaging. Needles to say, it was the kid's favorite think in the package. Spencer was playing with it one night and spread it out very neatly on the floor and then looked at Darrin and said "Dad, look at my carpet." Addi had been standing at the side and looks at Spencer and asks "Can I pee on your carpet?"

We have taken disciplinary action with her from that point on. I think that this was a very clear indication that it was not something biological.

Mommy I pooed

2010-01-29T05:54:00.000-08:00

Around our house "poo" is a big deal. It tells me many thing about the condition of my kids and how the treatments are affecting them. It is gross, but we need to check them to be able to see if we need to be changing anything.

Because of this my wonderful little kids have gotten in the habit of announcing when this has happened. I guess it does not help that we get really excited with them and say great job! (It is better than cleaning up a mess in the pants!)

So yesterday I took Edy and Spencer to Judo. As is true to form Spencer had to use the potty before he entered the gym.

I have tried to let him be more independent and let him go into the boys bathroom by himself. I waited for him, but he was taking a very long time, so I went to talk with my dad to see if there was anything he needed from Costco. A few minutes later Spencer comes into the gym walking a bit funny and saying "Mommy, I poo." I asked him if he needed help wiping and of course he did. I took him (against his objections) into the girls bathroom. I was not going to chance having a man walk into the boys bathroom while I was dealing with Spencer.
When I was done, he proceeded back towards the boys bathroom. I thought maybe he needed to flush and wash his hands, which is the way it goes at home.

I could see him walking into the bathroom toward the black stalls and then he turned and pointed and said "see, I poo." A sudden realization hit me. He had used the urinal! I almost could not make it back to the gym to get my dad, I was laughing too hard. The picture of him sitting on the urinal was almost too much. Also, I could not help what others would think had they walked into the bathroom at that moment and saw this little boy sitting there.
I also could not help thinking about the surprise of someone walking in and finding his gift sitting there. (we don't have little poos)

I finally got the words out to my dad and he went to check it out. Sure enough he had used the urinal. Dad proceeded to take care of it. His comment through the laughter was "you're kids need more fiber!" I then had my dad explain to Spencer what the urinal was for and that you poo in the potty not the white porcelain thing on the wall. Apparently we are lacking in the bathroom education.
We now have a great story that continually through this day will bring a really big smile to my face.

I realized today how laid back I have become. Before I would have cringed in embarrassment, now it is a source of laughter. What are you going to do? I know that this will not be the last time something like this happens. I am just glad that laughter is good like a medicine.

2009-12-25T15:44:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!!! This has been the best Christmas with the Autism.

We had a Christmas a few years ago that we compare every other Christmas to. On this particular Christmas the boys received a basketball hoop. It was not set up and they proceeded to scream (at the top of their lungs) until it got set up, which took a bit of time. Then they screamed because there was only one ball and both wanted to play. It used to be that while we were at Mom and Dad's house we would constantly be watching the children because there was so much for them to get into. Christmas would end with Darrin taking some of the children home early, very frustrated.

Today we arrived at Mom and Dad's around 10 am. We stayed (all of us) until 4pm. We did not have to consistently watch the children. It was the first Christmas in years that we returned home happy and content. We are truly rejoicing in the Lord's continued blessing today!

Christmas and pretending

2009-11-28T14:53:00.000-08:00

We put the Christmas tree up yesterday. I don't dare put any presents under it. They would all be opened. Right now the kids are taking their old toys and putting them in gift bags and pretending it is Christmas morning.

It is so much fun to listen to them play and imagine together.

Times of Change

2009-11-24T12:52:00.000-08:00

It has been awhile since I have posted. Every time I sat down to post in the past months something has happened. Today the phone rang, but I am determined to give an update.

A cold has been making its way through out family for the past 2 weeks. I have been very fortunate not to have picked up the illnesses the kids have had, but my body gave up on this one. We did not attend church on Sunday in order to spare the others in the congregation the sharing of my sneezing fits.

We have started a bean burrito tradition for Sunday afternoons. The kids don't eat bean burritos so they get cheesey tacos. I had made a full plate of tacos for the kids. They all sat down at the table to eat. As I was preparing the burritos for Darrin and myself I turned to see all of my children, including Connor in his highchair, sitting and contently eating at the table. That started the tears for the day. I was overwhelmed with emotion and such thankfulness to our Lord. My family was sitting around the dinner table together. It has taken much patience and work to get to this point and we are rejoicing this Thanksgiving season.

So many times in the past few years I have had to look very hard for a few small things to be thankful for....the moment of what we call zen, the eye contact from a child, the acknowledgement from a child that they were somewhat connecting to our world.
This year it seems as if our moments of zen are turning into mornings of zen or afternoons of zen. I am confident that some time soon we will have whole days.

I am able to turn the computers, video games and TV off for periods of time. The children are finding things to do that are "appropriate" play. It is peaceful in our home.

Many times this peace is interrupted, but for the most part it is peaceful and the chaos is becoming a thing of the past.

This year I am looking forward to the holidays. I have children who can understand the wonder and magic of this season. It is my favorite time of year. So many wonderful things have happened in my life during this time of year and so many wonderful and amazing things continue to happen.

My cup is overflowing. I am excited about the changes that are to come this year. The road that we are following on this journey has smoothed out (God sent his pothole crew) and we are excited about where it will take us next.

Bread

2009-08-13T13:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it. I made bread! We were out of bread, I had the ingredients and we don't get paid until tomorrow. So, I made what we needed. I also made bread for Addi and the boys. Their bread is about $5 a loaf. I can make it much cheaper and I do have to say that it tastes about 300,000 times better then the stuff I buy.

The bread I made for us came out well, but is a bit sweet. It is really good with ham and as toast, but I am not sure I like it for our normal bread.

We are trying to cut back on expenses and live lean. We have spent way too much on groceries in the past and I am doing my best to cut our grocery spending to a minimum. One of the ways that I have found that I can do this is by making the kids gluten free baked goods. I have the time now that the boys are in school all day and my house actually stays cleaned up. It is amazing.
I plan on making a schedule for which foods I make on what days.

I loved the smell of the house as I baked today and I was able to clean my messes as I went instead of being interrupted 10 times and not being able to get back to the kitchen to clean up the mess.

I am looking for a good bread recipe. I am not against using other grains in my bread. So if you have a bread recipe that you love I would love to try it.

I thought that I would be board with the kids in school, but I am having fun cooking and baking again. It has been a long time.

Almost back to normal and New Challenges

2009-07-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

After about 2.5 weeks we almost have the gluten out of the systems and we are back on a good meds schedule. It has been a good time to see that the supplements and meds are working. They do make a difference.

I have been faced with new challenges this week. The kids have learned how to open the garage door. They love to ride their scooters in front of the house and play in the front yard. I now have to lock the utility room door again and take the key out of the front door. Fortunately they have all stayed close to the house and have not been wandering the neighborhood.

I think they are getting board with summer break. School starts 2 weeks from Wednesday. I have mixed feelings about this. I have loved (most of the time) having them home and now the boys will be gone all day. They are growing up. Right now I am looking forward to the time when I can have them home for school. (Ask me how I am feeling when that day finally comes.)

I am thinking about starting a "workshop" for moms of kids with Autism. I want to encourage these moms in the same way that many of you have been an encouragement to me. I want to do some cooking workshops and some safety workshops. If I can help these moms keep their kids safe and help them come up with fun gf/cf menus, I think it will help take some stress out of their lives. I know as moms we can all use less stress.

We shall see how things are going once school gets started. These next 2 weeks will be dedicated to getting ready for the school year. All 3 kids have outgrown their clothes and shoes from last year. I guess that means a shopping trip for mom. Rats! :)

Pictures

2009-07-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

You know there is nothing like a picture of yourself to motivate you to keep up the weight loss.
Here I was thinking I was looking so fine! :)
Now I have seen pictures from the wedding. I have a ways to go. Brother.
Well here is to another 30 days of shredding and cutting the calories with Jenny Craig.

Nothing like a picture to give you a wake up call!

A reminder

2009-07-17T08:29:00.000-07:00

We were in Seattle last week. We took Edy, Spencer and Connor. Taylor and Addi stayed back in Indy with Grandparents, Aunt Amy and Aunt Cindy.
All of the kids we took with us did great. Spencer was complimented numerous times on his behavior. Edy did great as she always does, and even Connor had minimal fussy times.

It was really hard reincorporating everyone back into the family unit. It seemed as soon as we got home the kids started picking at each other. This climaxed yesterday.

Not only did we have to get back into the swing of things after being gone, I also helped Edy host a movie party and we had a bridal shower here last evening. Many think I am crazy, but I refuse to be held captive once again by the Autism. On top of everything both Spencer and Addi ate wheat on Wednesday, making them over the top yesterday. We had so much attitude and screaming, that I was just about to give up and lock them in their room.

Darrin took them to the local school to ride scooters and bikes in the parking lot. They were 100% improved when they got home.

I learned one thing yesterday and was reminded of another.
I learned that after the kids have gotten into wheat they need to move there bodies really hard and it will help with the after effects of the high.
I was reminded of how it used to be every day. It is hard for me to see our progress because it is a gradual thing. Yesterday The Lord gave me a big dose of what it used to be. 2 years ago I never would have been so bold as to host anything, let alone 2 parties the week we returned from a trip. We did it and lived to tell about it, and it was fun.

Today we are calm and anticipating a trip to the pool. I think it will be a great weekend.

Wow, it has been a long time!

2009-06-16T06:53:00.000-07:00

I did not realize how long it has been since I posted. So much has happened in the past months. We had some really nasty flu, some regression after and now a leap in language.

The flu was really bad. It literally just about wiped out our month of May. After we were mostly better we had some regression with the kids. Not just in language, but many of the old Autism manifestations reared their ugly heads. I had smearing, spice dumping, water dumping, screaming and other such behaviors that I thought were history. Not so much.

I think it was a true learning experience for us. While we were ill, neither Darrin nor I gave the kids their meds. We were both just too sick and tired to care. It really showed us that what we are doing is working. We got started again and all is well if not better.

Taylor is exhibiting more and more "normal" speech and behavior. This is good and bad. It is really hard to discipline him when he runs. He laughs as he runs and therefore makes me laugh. It is a game to him, but he is much faster than a normal 3 year old that would do this. It is a good thing that I am getting in shape. I think I will be needing some athletic skill here in the near future.

Addi has ceased the screaming. It is amazing. I thought for sure that she would be screaming until she died. Her screams were blood curdling. Made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. This was not a behavior that she could have in Kindergarten. The Lord has seen fit to have mercy on me and gave us a way to rid this house and Addi of the screaming. It is called 1 2 3 Magic. I love this discipline method! It has transformed our house. I even use it on Edy. Addi responds very well. She even tries to use it on Connor. Very cute.

Things are improving here. The Lord has given us a rest from the hard road. I don't know how long the rest will be, but I will enjoy it while it is here. This is the first summer that I have truly enjoyed being home with the kids. They are so much fun right now.

A Great Day

2009-03-23T10:20:00.000-07:00

You know, I have never made it a habit to take my camera with me on family outings. When I was at home I could always count on Amy, Cindy and Mary to take the pictures. After I was married I took pictures on our honeymoon and some after Edy was born. After we had the boys that went out the window. Too many hands were needed. Now our family is to the point that I need to begin making this a habit. We had a great day yesterday and I have no pictures to document it.

We took all 5 children out to lunch yesterday. This is the first time that we have done this since Connor was born. We have to be selective about the places we eat because of the diet restrictions. We took them to my favorite place... Koyo's. This is a Japanese Steakhouse. They cook the food in front of you. The kids loved it. They sat really well and Connor would have done a bit better if I would have realized that he needed a diaper change. Oh well.

They loved the fire in the onion tower and our chef did a bit extra because the kids had such a great reaction. Taylor ate all of his chicken and Spencer, Edy and Addi also ate well. (right now Koyo'a is having a 5.99 lunch special) We will order a bit differently next time, but it was a start.

After this we headed to Ritter's for ice cream. If you order anything over $2 you get a stamp on a card. A full card is good for a free treat. We filled the card on one trip. I think Ritter's will become a frequent family outing. The kids did great sitting at a table and waiting to be called over to get their treat. The weather was great!

We then headed over to granma and granpa's house. They played for over and hour. It was a lovely visit. We arrived back at home around 3. All in all it was a great day!

Addi had a bit of a problem in the morning because she did not get any breakfast. It is amazing what food can do for an attitude. She had also gotten some wheat this last week which made for a very hard week.

Today I started her on some more supplements: more L-carnitine, magnesium and baking soda. (the baking soda helps with oxalate acid which is the acid that makes the muscles hurt in Fibromyalgia) We have had a great morning. I will see how the rest of the week goes. So far I am optimistic about being done with the screaming.

I also started doing a "dry brush" on her arms when she is upset. This helped a whole lot. I got this idea from Vanessa, my friend Monica's sister. She has a son with autism and she said that his dad would do this and it helped. Addi loves it. She will just sit on my lap and get very relaxed as I brush.

Progress is being made again. We have given the kids their supplement every day for the last week and a half. Doing it at night is so much easier. We are almost to the point of having the kids on all of the supplements that Dr Hulseman wants them on. This is the first.

This all contributed to our great day yesterday.

Nuvo

2009-03-04T15:59:00.001-08:00

We are in Nuvo.
Read it here: http://www.nuvo.net/
Taylor is the one in the picture, on the front page, (scrolling pictures) on the island with the bowling pin in his hand.

God's Promise

2009-02-18T08:45:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a very disturbing dream. I can not remember the details exactly, I just remember that it had something to do with Taylor not progressing anymore.

Today is my day to do school with Edy. For her writing assignment she does her Bible verses for karate. They use the King James version. I grabbed my well worn Bible, that has gotten me through very many trials, to look up the verse so that she could complete the assignment. After writing out the verse for her to copy, I started to review the different scriptures that the Lord had given to me over the years.

Isaiah has been a particular comfort to me through the years and a book that the Lord has used on a number of occasions to speak to my heart. Many times I do not understand how the passages pertain to my life. I just know that the Lord has given them to me. I highlight them and many times as I review them the Lord brings to light the encouragement. This particular passage was given to me over 10 years ago. I did not know what to think of it, as it did not pertain to the situation that I was experiencing at the time. How faithful is our Lord to prepare the way for us even before we know what path it is that we are to walk.

Isaiah 49: 8-26 (ESV)

The Restoration of Israel

8 Thus says the Lord:“In a time of favor I have answered you; in a day of salvation I have helped you; I will keep you and give you as a covenant to the people, to establish the land,
to apportion the desolate heritages,

9 saying to the prisoners, ‘Come out, to those who are in darkness, ‘Appear.’
They shall feed along the ways; on all bare heights shall be their pasture;

10 they shall not hunger or thirst, neither scorching wind nor sun shall strike them,
for he who has pity on them will lead them, and by springs of water will guide them.

11 And I will make all my mountains a road, and my highways shall be raised up.

12 Behold, these shall come from afar, and behold, these from the north and from the west,
and these from the land of Syene.”

13 Sing for joy, O heavens, and exult, O earth; break forth, O mountains, into singing!
For the Lord has comforted his people and will have compassion on his afflicted.

14 But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me.”

15 “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.

16 Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.

17 Your builders make haste; your destroyers and those who laid you waste go out from you.

18 Lift up your eyes around and see; they all gather, they come to you. As I live, declares the Lord, you shall put them all on as an ornament; you shall bind them on as a bride does.

19 “Surely your waste and your desolate places and your devastated land- surely now you will be too narrow for your inhabitants, and those who swallowed you up will be far away.

20 The children of your bereavement will yet say in your ears: The place is too narrow for me; make room for me to dwell in.’

21 Then you will say in your heart: "Who has borne me these? I was bereaved and barren, exiled and put away, but who has brought up these. Behold, I was left alone; from where have these come?’”

22 Thus says the Lord God: “Behold, I will lift up my hand to the nations, and raise my signal to the peoples; and they shall bring your sons in their bosom, and your daughters shall be carried on their shoulders.

23 Kings shall be your foster fathers, and their queens your nursing mothers. With their faces to the ground they shall bow down to you, and lick the dust of your feet. Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who wait for me shall not be put to shame.”

24 Can the prey be taken from the mighty, or the captives of a tyrant be rescued?

25 For thus says the Lord: “Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken, and the prey of the tyrant be rescued, for I will contend with those who contend with you, and I will save your children.

26 I will make your oppressors eat their own flesh, and they shall be drunk with their own blood as with wine. Then all flesh shall know that I am the Lord your Savior, and your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob.”

Today I was reminded of a promise that was given to me over 10 years ago. It was about my children. I had no idea then that we would be fighting Autism. It has held our family captive for many years. It has stolen my children. It has ravaged our family. God knew what he was calling Darrin and I to do over 10 years ago. He has given us this path to walk, but he did not mean for us to walk it alone. Scattered along this road have been friends to encourages us, the Lord's hand guiding us along when we just wanted to give up and the Lord's promises that he would be with us every step of the way. He has reminded me of a promise made long ago that in addition to being with us through all of this, He is going to save our children and it will be to his glory.

He is going to save our children. This is a promise, and the Lord does not break his promises. This does not mean that the rest of this road will be without it's valleys. It will still take work, but I am now working toward a goal that is no longer a maybe but a will, and through all of this others will know that the Lord is our Saviour and our Redeemer.

The Magic of Borax

2009-02-17T10:38:00.000-08:00

We did not replace the carpet when we moved into this house because we did not want to panic about spills and such. Our carpet had seen better days. Mr Winslow had cleaned them for us when we moved in and they were great. They went steadily down hill. Between projectile spit-up and autism smears, juice spots and who knows what else, my ok carpets became worse than some that I had seen in some bank owned homes.

We did not have the money to replace them. We tried to clean them only to be told that it was hopeless and we should just get new carpeting. We were also faced with the fact that new carpeting is full of chemicals that can harm the children. What to do?

My mother-in-law was also wanting to help us get the carpets clean. After being here a week at Christmas time she went home and dug out the book "Extraordinary Uses for Ordinary Things" by Reader's Digest. It said that you could use Borax to clean stubborn stains out of your carpet. It was worth a try.

I started in front of the bathroom where Taylor had smeared some chocolate that I could not get cleaned up. I mixed a couple of cups of the Borax with some hot water and literally poured it over the spots. It was magic. In the place where I had saturated the carpet it all came clean. I used the steam cleaner to suck most of the water back out. It was amazing.

Knowing that I needed to get most of the carpet saturated, I went to work putting together a system. Darrin purchased a pressurized sprayer for me and I figured out how to get the Borax dissolved so that I could spray it on the carpet.

Here is what I ended up doing:
In a large pot bring about 1.5 gallons of water to a boil.
Add one box of Borax
Stir until all of the Borax is dissolved
Ladle into the pressurized sprayer to the bottom line
fill the sprayer with very hot water to the fill line.
Spray on the carpet.
Use a carpet rake or stiff push broom to work the solution evenly into the carpet. (if you don't do this your carpet will be splotchy)
Let the carpet rest for about 30 minutes
Use your steam cleaner with a white vinegar rinse (same proportions as you would use chemicals) to suck the Borax mix out of the carpet.
Let carpets dry overnight.

I also pre-spot the carpet for the really bad stains.
You might need to repeat the process in very bad areas.

Here is the result:

The result is much more dramatic in real life. I am very pleased with the results. So much so that I was able to get rid of the damaged area rugs that had been covering the worse stains. I am very pleased.

One other thing. You don't need to worry about your carpets being wet because the Borax actually keeps mold from growing so you are actually also adding a mold resistant product to your carpets. Cool!

Mercury in High-Fructose Corn Syrup

2009-01-29T06:58:00.000-08:00

Ok people. It is time for another rant. (while I wait for the Borax to sit on the carpet)

Last night as Darrin and I were watching Fox 59 news at 10 there was a story about High-Fructose Corn Syrup. They stated that in a test study that a lot of the industrial HFCS contains Mercury.

Here is the article.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/26/AR2009012601831.html

All I have to say is REALLY PEOPLE!!!! Have you not been listening to the debate about vaccines? Why in the world would you put mercury in a food product. It is not good for the average person and it toxic for kids with compromised immune systems.

Then the HFCS people have the audacity to have commercials that promote the product and make those who avoid it sound stupid. They go something like this.

Person 1: Do you want some soda?
Person 2: No thank you. That contains HFCS. You know what they say about that.
P1: No, what do they say about it?
P2: Well, you know....
P1: That it is made from corn, and that in moderation it is ok?
p2: Silence.
Voice over: Be informed about the foods you eat. Go to (some web site)
End commercial.

Now person 2 can say: Yes, much of it contains mercury. Do you know what mercury does to your body?

One really sad thing about this is that many children with Autism have a very limited diet and much of this diet contains foods that are very high in HFCS.

So please read your labels and avoid this product.

The Journey Continues

2009-01-28T05:05:00.000-08:00

You know every time I think that I have accepted that my kids are not "normal" I am thrown for another loop.

I don't know if, as a mom and dad, that you can ever accept that your kids will not be like other kids. There are some parents who have children with physical defects and others who have children with brain injuries that will never be cured. There is nothing that these parents can do. Their acceptance of reality is much harsher and yet it is quick and permanent.

For Darrin and I the acceptance comes and goes. There are days that we just know that the treatment we are doing with the children will work and other days it seems as if we will be with these kids for the rest of our lives because they will not be able to live on their own.

Having Connor has brought a new sadness to us. We are watching him develop into a normal little boy. He will not have the Autism as the others do, because we are taking steps to prevent it. I am happy that we know what to do for him, but sad because we did not know these things to do with the boys and Addi. I swing between emotions.

I know that God intended for us to have these children and to walk this road with them, but my mommy heart is angry that we did not have this information when the boys and Addi were babies. I am mostly angry at our pediatrician. She should have known that the boys were not healthy. She should have put it together. This is why we do well baby checks. They are the professionals and she let me down.

Darrin and I take turns with doubt about out kids futures. Yesterday we both had doubts. This is a rare occasion, but we were both grieving the loss of a dream we thought we were ok not having. That is until we had Connor. We are reminded about how much we have missed. We are reminded about the fact that we don't know our sons or Addi the way we want to because we still don't have the whole key to unlocking their brains so that they are no longer held captive.

We have come a long way on this journey, but it is heart wrenching to see what was taken from us. Over the next few years we will be reminded on a daily basis, as we watch Connor grow, how much was actually stolen from us.

In my heart I know that this is the path that was meant for us to walk. It was not to be any different. It has been written from the beginning that this is what our family would be and this is what the Lord has for some of our children. Knowing this does not make the grief any less. As parents we all have dreams for our children. Dreams of success in faith, work and family. At this point I am afraid to dream for my kids. I don't want to have them crushed again.

Snow Days

2009-01-28T04:19:00.000-08:00

I loved snow days as a kid. It was so much fun waking up (or not getting up) and finding that there was no school that day. We would bundle up and go outside and help my dad shovel the walk and driveway. When we were done we would come inside and my mom would have hot chocolate and toast waiting for us. As we got older we still looked forward to the hot chocolate and toast and we would sometimes do some baking.

Today we have a snow day. Do homeschoolers have these? I woke up this morning (now I can't go back to sleep) and found that school is closed and Darrin will probably work from home. As much as I love my down time when everyone is gone, I do enjoy these surprise family days.

Today I hope to start the fun memories of snow days. I want to send the kids outside to help daddy shovel the walk and have hot chocolate (made with honey) waiting for when they come inside and maybe we will make some cookies later.

What are your favorite memories of snow days?

Hot chocolate:
1/2 gallon of milk - heat on the stove
add 1/3 to 1/2 cup of cocoa (depending on how chocolaty you want it)
add honey to desired sweetness. We usually use between 1/2 to 1 cup.
1T vanilla
a pinch of salt

Getting Back

2009-01-09T16:30:00.000-08:00

Well today I got the downstairs of the house almost back to its rightful condition. I still need to go through papers, which as many of you know is one of my many thorns. I am slowly getting back into the routine of things. This next week I need to add in my half hour of exercise.

Darrin and I are going to set some goals for this year. Some of my personal goals are:
Do better with the finances
Lose my baby weight and then some.
Start Flylady again (found my notebook while cleaning out the bookshelves upstairs)
Straighten the house and unload the dishwasher everyday.
Limit my "bring dinner home" to once a week if not less.
Exercise at least 3 times a week.
blog at least 3 times a week.

We will see next year at this time how much has been accomplished.

As for house projects this year:
build a window seat for the library and the family room.
Build built ins for my closet.
Redo the landscaping, front and back (with Monica's help)
Get Edy's room repainted (there is boys writing all over her walls)
Get some pictures hung in all of the rooms.

I am looking forward to these projects, but they will only be accomplished if the above list is consistent. Otherwise I will not have the time, clean spaces to work or money to complete the project. This last year has been full of growth. I look forward to this next year to see what the Lord has for us as a family.

I am slowly coming back

2009-01-08T09:38:00.000-08:00

Sorry it has been awhile since I posted. Life has been moving at breakneck speed.

Connor is now 2 months old. I can not believe how time is flying. October seemed about as long as the whole year.

We had some regression with the boys over Christmas. It was very hard for me to deal with a newborn and the boys treatment. I have a new resolve this year to make sure to get all of their supplements on a regular schedule. So far so good.

We have been able to take Taylor off of the Risperdol (sp?) We have started back on the 5-HTP for him and it is working. His progress reports from school have been improving. At this point and time that is all we can ask for. As much as I want to wave my magic wand and make Taylor, Spencer and Addi better, I can not. It is a slow process, but we have had much success this past year and Dr. Hulseman expect the progress to continue. She is expecting that by the time they are in Jr High that no one will know that they ever had an Autism diagnosis. They will be fully recovered just in time for me to have to deal with puberty. Brother!

We are not putting them back on the SC diet. We did not see any great improvement while we were on it and it was very difficult. We will stick to the GF diet as that is what seems to help the most. Also the supplements help a great deal. Right now they are all on 5-HTP, TMG, Folinic Acid, B12, Nystatin and EDTA. I also give them a probiotic every day. Taylor gets additional Selenium in hopes that by the next appointment we can start him on a heavier chelator.

We do have plans in the future to do the hyperbaric chamber with all 3 kids. This will be one of the last things that we add to their treatment. We will probably rent one for a month and see how that goes.

I still need to get before and after pictures of the kitchen posted here. In addition to the kitchen being redone, we took a wall out upstairs and now have a loft for the kids area. It has been a real help as I have gained about 100 sq feet of useable space. All that is left, for the time being, is the paint. It has been fun to get back into the swing of things and adding projects to my to do list. I love house projects. There is such a sense of satisfaction when they are finished.

This has been a rambly post. So much has happened in the past months. I am going to try to update daily. We shall see how that goes.

Connor

2008-11-10T10:32:00.000-08:00

Sorry it took so long for me to get this posted.

Connor Louis Thompson arrived on Election Day. I wonder what this means. :)

He was 9lbs 12.5 oz and 21.5 inches long.
He is a great sleeper and I get a stretch of about 5 hours a night.

I Am Still Here

2008-11-02T13:34:00.000-08:00

I am still alive. I have been redoing the kitchen in order to stay busy until Connor comes. I was having contractions this morning, But they stopped and I am continuing on my project lest I go crazy! We are scheduled for induction on Thursday. I just need to stay busy so the time passes quickly.

I will post pictures of the kitchen when it is done. What started out as new handles for the doors and drawers has turned into new stain color, a tile back splash and some other finishing touches. The kitchen has a much warmer feel now and is a bit more rustic.

I have also, with the help of my mom, gotten the laundry room all cleaned out and organized. We could not have done this project if the tools had not been organized.

I will let you all know when we have baby Connor in our arms.
I still need to post about the Fiesta. I will do this when I get the camera hooked up and pictures downloaded.

Growing Up

2008-10-06T16:17:00.001-07:00

I was going to write about this past weekend. The Fiesta was really fun and I can't wait to do it again. I will try to post some pictures this week.
As I said I was going to write about this weekend, but something happened at dinner that is much more significant.
My greatest prayer for the boys and Addi is that they will come love God and serve his purposes for their lives. Spencer is one step closer. He is growing up and starting to understand some of the basic things that we do to thank God such as praying and thanking God for our food before we eat.
Tonight I fed the kids before Darrin got home and totally missed praying with them before they ate. When Darrin sat down to eat his dinner Spencer climbed up in the chair next to Darrin and the conversation went like this:

S (with folded hands): Pause, Pause
D: you want to pray?
S: Pray.
D: o.k. go ahead.
S: I would like...
Humpty dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Could not put Humpty together again.
D: laughing so hard tears were running down his face.

I always love hearing what other little kids say. I waited for the day that fun things came out of my kids mouths. Tonight was well worth waiting for.

Fiesta

2008-09-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it. I set a date for our Celebration. It is going to be on October 4th from 4-7pm. Please come and join us if you would like.

So much has happened over the past year and our family continues to grow and change. We have left one segment and are starting another. The kids are thriving and I am keeping up with the housework and laundry. Life is at a steady pace and will shortly be thrown into chaos again when Connor makes his appearance.

Our Fiesta on the 4th is to say thank you to all of you who have invested in us, prayed for us and encouraged us over the past few years. The journey has not been easy, but I would not trade the lessons I have learned for an easier road. I am trying to get invitations out to all of you, but please forgive my baby brain if I forget someone. Please come anyway. It will be at our house and we would love to thank all of you.

So consider all of yourselves invited. It will be a fun time and I am looking forward to hosting. It has been a long time.

New Companions on our Journey

2008-08-29T08:08:00.000-07:00

It has been a very interesting week. It started our by doing an ATEC score sheet for Taylor. This is the sheet that we do to see how he is progressing with the treatment that we are doing. He did not move on the scale, but for the first time I saw improvement when the ATEC did not. Taylor has settled down. He is concentrating better and playing better with other children.

I was a bit discouraged by the ATEC score because I had seen improvement, but after last night I am not relying on the score so much anymore. We still need to use it because it does give us some guidelines to see how the treatment is working.

Last night Darrin and I got to talk one on one with our new companions on this journey. Spencer's teacher Mrs. Barber and Taylor's Teachers Mrs. Kennedy and Mrs. Spence. They are all very wonderful. The reports that we got about both boys were fabulous! Spencer is thriving in Kindergarten. He is socializing with the other children and is keeping up with them academically. He still has some problems in the cognitive area, but Mrs. Barber told us that with a bit of prodding he does ok.

We met with Mrs. Kennedy next. She is Taylor's Life Skills teacher. (special ed) She told us that Taylor was a little charmer and she enjoys him very much. She is teaching him how to read and they are doing math. They are also doing a special program to help his cognitive abilities. I am very impressed with the progress that I am seeing. He goes over to Mrs. Spence's class (mainstream kindergarten) with an aid for about 1/2 an hour a day. They will work him into more time as he improves.

One thing that is super cool is that the way that Mrs. Barber and Mrs. Spence' classes are set up is there is no wall between them. After Taylor has done his centers his reward is to see Spencer.

All in all I sit here today once again in awe at the care that the Lord has bestowed upon our family. He has brought the perfect people along to help us along the next leg of this journey. I wanted the kids up at Fishback, but this is the perfect place for the boys for this year. They have teachers that care about them and are willing to work with us in order to help the boys reach their greatest potential.

2008-08-20T13:21:00.001-07:00

"LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO END; IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN."

I found this quote on one of the Autism blogs that I read. Well, our storm is calming down. We had a good week last week. The boys started school and have been doing a great job. Addi has quit screaming and our house has more peace than it does chaos.

I have hit my 3rd trimester. As of Friday I have 10 weeks to go. (12 if we are being truly realistic). Darrin and I have succeeded in getting the entertainment center cleared out and most of the DVDs and CDs locked up so that the mess is minimal. The book shelves are next.

I can not believe that it is mid August. Time is flying and there is still so much to do. We did take the kids to the State Fair last Friday night. A good time was had by all. I was totally exhausted when we got home. We also took the kids to the church outing on Saturday. This was the first time that we were able to sit like real parents and watch our kids from afar. It was a wonderful evening. We stayed till the end. This is the first time that we have ever done this.

I am still planning on having a celebration for all that has been given to us over the past year. The boys and Addi's recovery has gone much faster than anticipated and we want to thank all of our friends for the encouragement and support as we took this journey.

I am hoping to do this in the next few weeks. It should be a great time of celebration. I will post the details here in addition to sending or handing out invitations.

Hope all of you can make it.

A Blessed Day

2008-08-01T06:51:00.000-07:00

Today the boys turn 6. I can not believe that it has been 6 years. BTW, Happy Anniversary to Kevin and Amy Koons on Sunday. It will be 6 years for them also. (they were married 2 days after the boys were born)
We are going to have a slow day today. Family is coming over tonight. I am making them a cake today that is not on their diet. It is their birthday after all and an almond cake did not appeal to me. I got a glutton free chocolate cake mix at Meijer. It is the only thing that will have any type of refined sugar in it. Oh well, we will double up on their meds. :)

My computer is up and running again. I have been using Darrin's computer for the past 10 months. Darrin was able to recover all of my files except 3. He did an amazing job! Thanks Sweetie!!!!

So this is my first post on my wonderful computer. I am so happy to have it back!
I am going a bit off of the boys diet today. Not too far off the beaten path, I have already started them on corn.

For breakfast they had:
Fried Corn Mush
Fruit juice sweetened Strawberry Yogurt
Bacon

For lunch I am trying my hand at
Macaroni and cheese with smoked sausage.
I am going to use a corn /quenoa pasta
for the cheese sauce I am going to use cream cheese as my base and add a bit of milk, Jack and Colby cheeses. I will let you know how it comes out.

For dinner:
Corn Spaghetti pasta with homemade sauce
Salad
Green beans
Cake for dessert

It has been fun to cook things other than bacon, meat and veggies. We will see how the kids do with this food. I may incorporate more corn pasta into their everyday meals.

Here are the boys in the outfits sent by Aunt Mary for their birthday

They will be getting scooters tonight. We may regret it, we shall see. I will post some more pictures tomorrow. I am learning how to use my camera, so I will keep on trying to get some good pictures esp for Mary since we are missing her today.

Dejunking

2008-07-31T07:00:00.000-07:00

I did not get as much done last Friday as I had hoped, but I sacrificed that in order to get a longer massage. It was worth it. Darrin helped me accomplish the rest on Saturday.
What did get accomplished.
Got a stroller for the new baby.
Got my massage!!!
Got a new recliner (I love Kittle's outlet!!)
Did not find the lounge pants at Old Navy. I will have to order them online.
Did not make it to the gym for a workout...oh well.
Kids went to parents night out.
Darrin and I got supplies for organizing the kids toys.

Saturday....
Got the toy closet cleaned out and organized.
Got the boys room cleaned out and organized.
Got the rest of the Salvation Army stuff taken to Salvation Army (about 2 van loads)
Got the linen closets stripped clean of linens not in use. Looks great!
Did grocery shopping and got the house back in order.

Sunday.
Family came over.

Monday...
My Motherboard came, and then I found out that my hard drive is corrupt...brother.
(Darrin is working on getting most of the info off of it to put on my new hard drive)
Shredded bills and receipt that were sitting in a basket for years.
Threw a lot of paper away.

Tuesday.
Shredded a year and a half of old bills and receipts.
Emptied and refilled the pool (it was pretty bad!)
Filed a box of stuff that has been waiting for years.
Finished organizing the office

Wednesday.
Cleaned up the kitchen (took 2 and a half dishwasher loads)
Attended a closing
My mom did laundry for me (thank you Mom!!!!)
Cleaned up the paper mess (filed and shredded) that was on the end of the island.

Thursday.
Taking a breath and getting ready for the boys 6th birthday tomorrow.
I also need to do Darrin's and my laundry.
Fix the leak the kids put in their pool yesterday.

Friday.
Spend time with the kids outside in their pool.
Happy Birthday Boys!!!

For next week:
Clean out Edy's room.
Prepare for the start of school.
Clean out the front coat closet.
Clean out our room.
Get a Fly Lady schedule put together.
Go through the books.
Dejunk the kitchen.

If you can not tell I am in a "get rid of it" mood. I am tired of having to clean up everyone's junk. We kept what was the "favorite" and got rid of the rest. With the new baby coming here in about 3 months something needed to change in order for our lives to stay in order when he arrived. Part of that process is learning to live with less. It was so easy to keep things up in Florida. We did not have much. So we are taking that concept and using it at home.

I will let you all know what kind of progress is made in the next week.

A Day Off

2008-07-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I get a day off. I originally had a closing tomorrow morning and thought that it would be the perfect opportunity to take the rest of the day. I got a babysitter and started planning my day. I got a call yesterday afternoon that the closing was moved to next Tuesday. I then had a decision to make. Do I go ahead and take the day or do I postpone to Tuesday.

After a day of screaming and some over the top behavior due to wheat intake, I decided to take the day.

I need to clear my head and get recharged to finish this last stage of the kids treatment.

So tomorrow I am going to :
Get a stroller for the new baby.
Get a massage with the remaining amount on my gift card.
Drop a van load of junk off at Salvation Army.
Go grocery shopping - We are out of food
Eat a late lunch with Darrin (I am hoping that he can take a short day tomorrow and we can spend some uninterrupted time together.)
Go to Kittle's Outlet Store and look for a recliner.
Get home, get the kids take Esther home and get to the gym.
Leave the kids at the gym for Parents night out. (Pike YMCA. Free for members, $5 per family for non-members. Goes from 6-8 pm)
Go home during Parents Night Out and sort through toys w/o prying eyes and make another run to Salvation Army.
I also plan to throw some shopping in between. I want to get some lounge pants for the hospital and a cute shirt.

The kids start school in a few weeks and I will have some quiet time in the morning with just Edy. We will be starting her second grade year so that we can get into a pattern before the baby gets here.

I also have a fiesta to plan and host before school starts. I am looking forward to this and will do some of that planning tomorrow also.

I hope to post some pictures soon of the kids on the beach. The only problem is that I am in most of them and do not want my beautiful round figure posted. Maybe I can photoshop.

Encouragement

2008-07-02T06:25:00.000-07:00

Last night after a wonderful evening with friends, which lifted my spirits, I came home to watch America's Got Talent with Darrin. The very last act was this boy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1miUyac6RM&feature=related

This was the perfect end to a wonderful evening. I see so much of Taylor in this little boy and it gives me such hope for his future!
As I watched the mom watch her little boy sing, my heart rejoiced for her. I wait for a moment like this for my Boys.

The Last Day of Preschool

2008-06-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

Today was the boys last day of preschool. It is an exciting time, but I am also in tears every time I think of it. I love their teachers. They have been some of the people who have encouraged us the most through this journey. They have been on the front lines with us fighting for our boys. We have been shoulder to shoulder for the past 2 years. They have loved our boys through the kicks, screams, tantrums and diet changes. Today they are my unsung heroes.

Everyday they get up and go to a classroom full of preschoolers with special needs. It is hard enough (as most of us know) to deal with a normal preschooler. I can not imagine dealing with a room full of preschoolers and then add to that special needs. Wow!

Today I feel as if I have lost some very valuable companions on this journey. Each one of these teachers and aids have written on the slate of my children's lives. Because of that influence they have affected the lives of everyone the boys touch. I don't think that they will ever understand the eternal impact that they made.

I do not know who will step in and take their place. I know they can never be replaced, but the Lord has others who will step in and join us in this journey.

In all human affairs there are efforts, and there are results, and the strength of the effort is in the measure of the result. -- James Lane Allen

The develomental preschool staff at Fishback Creek Public Acadamy gave great effort in helping us with the boys recovery. The result of that effort will not be able to be measured for years to come. I think that when we finally reach the end of this journey we will be able to look back and see the different layers that were laid down. Theirs was the first.

Me, Myself and I

2008-06-12T13:44:00.000-07:00

We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do. - Ethel Barrett

I have been pondering a few things over the past few days. There have been many blogs and posts in forums that I have read that have talked about how inferior some moms feel when they look around themselves at others. I think that this is one of the greatest things that keeps women from developing very close bonds with other women. We consistently compare ourselves to each other.

Most of the time when someone encourages me in the work that we are doing with the boys or they call me their hero, I am quick to dismiss it in my mind with a personal dialogue that says "ya, If you were in our home for more than a few hours and really got a good look at a real day you would not think this."

I yell at my kids, am not as diligent as I should be about things that need to be done, should play with the kids more than I do and so the list could go on and on and on.
I do compare myself with other moms. Moms that I think have it all together. I also know that if these moms knew this they would laugh, because they to compare themselves with other moms and feel the same as I do.

We as moms do the best that we can on any given day. We make sacrifices that only other moms can understand. So today I am making a new resolution. Instead of comparing myself to these moms, I am going to enjoy their strengths and thank the Lord that we are all different and can compliment each other so well. We can learn from each other and encourage each other instead of beating ourselves up over not being all that we think we should be.

Here is a list of many of the moms that I hang with and what I appreciate about them. (even if they feel themselves less than super I think the are all wonderful)

Amy Koons: She is one of the best writers I know. I love to read her blog, because I know it will be a good read and I will feel uplifted when I am done. I think she could write about an earth worm and I would think it was great.

Alaina Fulk: I love to hear about her menus and the entertaining that she is doing. She is one of the most hospitable people I know.

Monica Bird: One of the dearest friends I have. She is raising 7 children and homeschooling and yet she still has time to listen and encourage me. She has a mind that wants to learn and she has not neglected it just because she is a mom. She can also feed her brood on an amazing budget.

Heather LeFebvre: One of the most creative people I know. She is constantly sewing cool things and creating really cool food in the kitchen. She has persevered through a very trying illness and has developed a true compassion for those in the same circumstances.

Ginny Enas: Is raising 10 children ages 19 - 2. I am amazed at her wisdom and continually seek her advice in the raising of my kids. She has shown me that I can still be me in the midst of marriage and motherhood.

Catherine Gillespie: Reads more books than I knew existed. She reads to her kids on a daily basis. She is learning how to do things on a tight budget and I am gleaning so much from her thoughts on that.

Rachelle Swan: She loves her stepchildren as though they were her own. I have not seen many women care about children they way she cares about her 2 oldest. She is in the midst of trials and she is facing them with determination and fighting for her kids.

Each of these women are truly super moms. They are unique and wonderful in so many ways. What is posted above is just a hint of who they are.
I guess what I am trying to say in this post is that so much of our energy is wasted on comparing ourselves to others instead of enjoying those differences.

So I am going to step out of my box and in spite of my really bad stained carpet have a party for Edy for her birthday. I know that I think so much worse of it than others do. I am not going to let stained carpet or shabby furniture stand in the way of entertaining those I hold dear or doing something for someone else because I don't know if they will like it. I have held back too much in the past few years because I did not want to be judged on the actions of my children or the condition of my house. I am determined to accept things as they are and move on.

So when you read this post if you feel inclined to leave a comment, I want to know what your favorite thing about yourself is. Is is time for us moms to start dwelling on the good that we have and quit getting down on ourselves for those things that we wish we were.

Edit: Darrin got on me for not posting my favorite thing about me: I am glad that I am so flexible. I like to be spontaneous. I think the most fun to be had is just doing something without forethought. (this has gotten me into trouble, but I have always had a good time.)

I think you are all wonderful and no one else could fill your place on earth!

It's a.........

2008-06-06T15:31:00.000-07:00

Today we had our ultrasound for this little one. I have had many concerns about this baby because I am over 35. Today put all of those concerns to rest. The baby is perfectly healthy. It is about 10 oz now and is measuring right where it should be. All of it parts are in the places they should be, no extra parts and no parts missing.

In fact it has one little extra part that many of us don't have. It is a BOY!!! We are quite positive of this. He is a typical boy and was strutting his stuff.

Now for the hard part. We need a boy's name. We have the middle name. It is Louis after Darrin's papa that passed away this year.

I am very open for suggestions. Our guidelines.
The name has to be 2 syllables.
It can not start with A, D, E, J, S or T. (we already have those initials.)
It needs to end in an "or" or "er" so that it ends the same as Spencer and Taylor.

Let me have them. I will present them to Darrin and when we decide on a name I will let you all know.

Today has been a good day and I am thanking the Lord for a healthy child.

2008-06-04T07:20:00.000-07:00

Some friends were getting on me last night because I have not updated my blog in a month.
Our whole family minus Darrin has been sick this past month. The last 2 weeks have been the worst with it ending this past weekend knee deep (not literally) in puke! For some reason I have not felt motivated to sit and update. :)

We have had some great times this month. As I get around the fact that I am exhausted all the time, I am trying to get out and do some things with the kids. A few weeks ago I took them bowling. My mom was sweet enough to go with me and help. I have to say it was not a total disaster. We did not get through even one game, but the kids have been asking to go again so it was worth the effort. We can bowl for free with only having to pay for shoe rental. For those interested go to kidsbowlfree.com

A few weekends later we went camping for Memorial Day weekend. It was the best camping trip we have ever had. As much of a pain as it was to take the kids when they were younger, I am starting to see the fruits of our labor. They are wanting to help set up and take down the camper. I figure that they should be able to set up the whole thing properly by the time they are 7, 8 and 9. I think I will give the baby a break and not make him/her help until he/she is about 2. :)

I have pictures of both, but they are on different cameras. As soon as I can get a hold of my mom and Amy's camera I will post pictures.

Taylor had his 3 month check with Dr. Hulesman last Thursday. His ATEC jumped from 48 to 36. We are making progress. It has been hard to get a handle on all of the things he is supposed to be taking, but I finally feel as if I am on the verge of getting on top of it. In the next few weeks we will be starting chelation. This is a big step. It is our next to last step if not the last. If it works we will be done and just continue what we are doing for the next year or so. If we don't get the total result that we want we will do some Hyperbaric Chamber treatments with him. We will cross that bridge when we get to it.

All in all it has become a lot more normal around here than I ever dreamed. Taylor has turned a corner. I am not sure what caused it, but am very thankful for it. Addi has quit the spontanious screaming and we are working on the whining. I am hopeful that by the time this baby arrives that most of everything will be cleared up.

I am aslo very thankful that we have had such a quick recovery rate. There are many families that do not start chelation for years. The Lord has been gracious and we are flying through the steps. You could not have convinced me a year ago that we would be where we are today. I read countless stories of other families and my heart aches for them. Our road has been simple and easy compared to what they have had to deal with.

It takes time to succeed because success is merely the natural reward of taking time to do anything well -- Joseph Ross

Salami

2008-05-05T11:06:00.000-07:00

These past few weeks have been very hard. I was to the point that I just wanted to give up on the kids diet. I am not seeing many changes or progress and it just does not seem worth it.
Addi is growing and I can not get enough food down her to keep her satisfied. I feel for her. I just want to pitch it all and go back to the GFCF diet. It was sooooo much easier!

I had to go to the store this morning because we were out of our staples. I was determined to get something for Addi that she would like. I was going to get salami. I did not care what was in it. She needed some variety. I picked up the "best" out of the lot and proceeded to the bacon section. As I was on my way I passed the new Hormel Naturals. Guess what...they have an uncured salami!
So today in the grocery, once again, God took my hand and showed me that he is going before me to provide for these children. I was at the end of my rope and he pulled me back up.
Salami is such a small thing, but today it made my day. (and Addi's. She loved it. Ate most of the package.)

Spring and New Beginnings

2008-04-11T07:10:00.000-07:00

Our Lord has written the promise of resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in springtime. - Martin Luther

Spring is just about to come full force to us here in Indy. It has been teasing us for the past few weeks, but I think it is about to stay. Spring is my favorite season. It is full of renewed life, fresh smells and sunshine. It has been my favorite since childhood. I remember when I was in school as a child, walking out of the school building and taking a deep breath of spring air. Nothing else smelled like it. For me spring means new beginnings.

We have reintroduced eggs into the kids diet. Eggs are marvelous things. I can now make great muffins, pizza crust, cookies and a multitude of other baked goods. I am sure that the kids will enjoy eating them as much as I enjoy making them. I have also introduced more dairy. Cheese is also a marvelous thing. It helps keep crackers together and gives a quick no-thought snack.
When we started this diet 3 months ago it seemed an eternity before we could reintroduce these things, but as spring came so did the wonderful change in diet. It is so much easier now.

We started Taylor on a med called Risperdol last week. I don't know what changes I am supposed to be looking for. It is supposed to increase his appetite as a side effect. This has happened. He asked for chicken nuggets on Sunday night. I was more than willing to do this for him. He ate them for dinner and for lunch the next day.
In addition to taking his vitamins I was able to sneak Zinc, TMG, Folinic Acid, Vitamin C, Cortrex, MSM and Magnesium into their muffins. They ate them! I don't know what the heat did to these supplements, but some is better than none.

Again, I love spring and can not wait for the time that the kids can go outside and play on a consistent basis. They are always much happier after they get a good dose of Vitamin D and so is mommy!

Victory Dance!

2008-04-04T10:53:00.001-07:00

For one mother, joy is the quiet pleasure found in gently rubbing shampoo into her young child's hair. For another woman it's taking a long walk alone, while for yet another it's reveling in a much-anticipated vacation.
-Eileen Stukane

Today Taylor took his vitamins!!!! I am so excited. I gave him the little "berries" and walked away. I tried to peak around the fridge to see if he had eaten them, but he had his back to me. Later he asked for some more. I gave them to him and saw him chew them up!! This is almost as much cause for celebration as Spencer's potty training.

These past weeks have been my most tired throughout the boys treatment. I just want to chuck everything and go to sleep. Isn't that the way God works. When we are at our lowest He is able to do what needs to be done. Things needed to be done and He got them done. I can humbly say that it was not me by any means. He has shown me that this journey is not on my shoulders, but on His. He will bring us to the end with the result that He has set from the beginning of time.

Vitamins are such little things. You can fit many of them in your hand and yet there are many valleys between the ridges of those little things. Today God took Taylor to the vitamin mountain and helped him conquer it. He did not even need the help of his mama.

Doctors Appointments and The Changing of a Dream

2008-04-03T07:53:00.000-07:00

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.
-Helen Keller

Addi and Spencer had their 3 month check with Dr. Hulsman yesterday. Spencer had an ATEC in the 40s during our last visit. This visit it was 24. His "social score" was a 1 and Dr. Hulsman told me that he was almost off of the spectrum. Music to my ears. He will be starting chelation this next week. We are going to go nice and slow. It may take us awhile, but this will help his communication and brain fog.

Addi's ATEC was in the 60s when we started and she was 44 yesterday. We are still having problems with her screaming. We are trying some adrenal support. I think this has already helped her. We had not started her supplements for this, but she found the bottle and emptied it on the floor upstairs. Most of the capsules were opened. If that is all it takes to get them to take their supplements then I should just give them a spoon and let them play with all of them. The screaming is down today and she slept in her own bed all night last night.

We also got a new vitamin supplement. Everyone but Taylor likes the new vitamin. I am learning that he does not like the orange flavor. It is berry all the way for him. I am looking for a gummy vitamin for him that does not contain corn syrup, so if there are any suggestions please let me know.

Over all we were very pleased with the visit. She also gave us a prescription for a drug for Taylor. We are hoping that it will give him a sense of calmness making it easier for us to get the supplements down him. We will see what happens.

-------

I have always had a heart for missionaries. I would have gone in an instant if I had been called, but I wasn't. Since I was not called I wanted to have a home that could house missionaries when they were home on leave. This grew into a dream to have a place that they could bring their families for a time of R&R. God has taken my vision and tweaked it a bit. I still want to have a place where people can come for R&R, but God has changed my focus group.

Because of the boys and their Autism, God has put a very special place in my heart for the parents of special needs children. I do not necessarily have a heart for the children themselves. I do love them, but my concern is for their parents. The divorce rate for families with special needs children is higher than the national average. The stresses and heartache that these parents experience are much more than the stresses of normal life.

Yesterday on Dr. Phil there was a couple whose son was born without the division between the frontal lobes in his brain. Most of the time these children die in the womb or shortly after birth. The fact that this child has lived this long is a miracle. They love day by day not knowing how much longer their son will be with them. The dad has turned to alcohol for escape. The mom takes out the brunt of her frustration on the dad which drives him to drink even more. It is a vicious cycle.

What I saw was a couple who was hurting and needed a break. They needed time to reconnect and time to take a break together. They needed encouragement that their feelings are natural and all parents have them. (even those without special needs kids). They needed a place to vent and they needed a place to have someone wrap them in the love of Christ. They needed to know that no matter what happened that there would be people out there that still loved them and would be there when they felt like they could not go on.

This is the kind of place that I want to have. I want to pamper the moms and give the dads time to pursue some of the things that they have had to put on hold. I want to give them a time where they can get some help for their relationship. I want them to be able to go out on a date together. I want to provide some respite care for the children by people who are trained in handling their particular situation so that the parents can relax and know that their children are well cared for.

I think that this is the greatest thing that we can do for these children. It will give them peace in the home and take the stresses off of them. Stress is one of the worst thing for special needs children so if we can help their parents we can help them.

It is only in "dream" stage right now. I don't know how God is going to bring it about, but it will be exciting to be part of it.

Potty Training and a "Normal" Day

2008-03-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

This week what once I thought was an impossible task was accomplished. Spencer is potty trained! Many of you might feel that he should have been potty trained years ago. Spencer had trouble knowing when he had to go potty. He had chronic constipation. The SC diet has cleared up all of that.

We started on Monday. He did really well. Tuesday was a bit rough, but he recovered well and Wednesday and Thursday were red letter days for him. Today I took him out in underwear and he did great! One down one to go! I should be diaper free for a few months before the new baby arrives.

--------------------

Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.

-Mary Jean Iron

This morning my sister Cindy called and wanted to take Edy and Spencer to "Horton Hears a Who." I thought this would be a great idea so I proceeded to get them ready. Well, Taylor has been much more alert about what is going on around him and he realized that Spencer was going to be leaving. He proceeded to go and get dressed himself. What am I going to do with that. He was so excited. So...we all went to see "Horton Hears a Who." Taylor did really great for about 40 minutes and then he was done, so I left the other 3 with Aunt Cindy to finish the movie and Taylor and I went and did some errands. He did great. We met back up when the movie was over.

We then attempted something very brave. We took all of the kids out to Cracker Barrel for lunch. We were able to order them food that was on their diet. They all ate very well and were very well behaved.

It was as close to a "normal" day and "normal" behavior that we have had in a very long time.

We felt that Taylor had some regression this week, but he seems to come out ahead. Sometimes he takes one step back and then all of a sudden he is farther along than he was before. I just don't understand.

I have been very exhausted this week and this day really helped. You know you can be exhausted and have an enjoyable time and you can almost forget that the exhaustion is there. The Lord has blessed us this week above all I could hope for. Spencer is potty trained, Taylor is progressing and we were able to have a kids outing with good behavior and I have not yet thrown up due to my morning sickness! God is good!

It Has Been Awhile

2008-03-18T06:42:00.000-07:00

It has been over 2 weeks since I posted. Life has been fast and furious since we returned from Arkansas. Within those 2 weeks the kids finished their 2nd session of school and are now home for a few weeks, I was told that Spencer will be in general Kindergarten next year, and I have had my first prenatal check up.

I did not understand how Spencer could be ready for Kindergarten when his comprehension skills are not up to par. They told me he would be board with anything else. I did not understand what they meant until yesterday. I was doing some school exercises with Edy and Spencer wanted to "draw" too. We gave him a paper and I asked him to draw an A. He did it. We went through the whole alphabet and he wrote every letter. He even did some lower case letters. I also learned that his comprehension skills are not as behind as I thought. When we were done with the letters he turned his paper over and proceeded to write YOU. He then pointed to the word and said "you". Wanting to set a positive air to the session I suggested that he write the word WIN next. I told him the letters and he wrote them. I then said "you win". He said "NO" in the way that says mom you are not so smart and then proceeded to write the letters L O S and E. He then very emphatically said "YOU LOSE!" Thank you Monkey Ball!

Taylor is also learning to spell, which amazes me. He likes the words ready, go, and goal. He also has learned how to spell his name. I know that there is much in his brain that is just itching to escape. One day I will sit in amazement that we made it through this part of the journey.

Darrin cracks me up. He brought me home a book to help me with my blog. It is "The Book of Positive Quotations" 2nd Edition. It really is a cool book and I want to start putting these quotes in my posts. The one that I feel is very appropriate for my situation this week is this:

"The one law that does not change is that everything changes, and the hardship I was bearing today was only a breath away from the pleasures I would have tomorrow, and those pleasures would be all the richer because of the memories of this I was enduring." - Louis L'Amour

I love watching little brains at work. When the boys were little I would love to watch them figure things out. I lost this for a time and now those little brains are working again. I get great pleasure watching them learn, knowing how hard it has been for them to get to this point. There were times in the past years that I felt that these days would never come. I would be living in this cycle forever. The cycle is ending. The kids and I have been having a very nice time together this break. We do have our little incidents, but they are nothing like the past. We played cards yesterday, colored and played together. We are verging on "normal" (not that I want to get too close to that). The pleasures of these times are all the richer because of the hardship that we have been through together.

Right now Edy is sitting in the big chair with Taylor. They are looking at pictures of Disneyland. Edy is asking "who's that" and Taylor is answering her and even giving descriptions of the pictures sometimes. He is getting most of them correct. How much has changed in the past year. I am looking forward to the rich pleasures of tomorrow.

God's Perfect Timing

2008-03-05T06:11:00.000-08:00

Many times I question the timing of things. I know that God is orchestrating our lives and we want our family to be used to its greatest potential. Many times I do not see how things that transpire are in God's timing until it is revealed at a later date.

As many of you know, Darrin and I had our kids very quickly. 4 children in 2.5 years. After Addi was born we called it quits. 2boys and 2 girls seemed like a good number and mix. Also, Addi's labor and delivery was very hard and I did not ever want to go through that again.

Edy has also been learning about God's timing in answering prayer. She has been praying for a baby for about a year now. She asked me a bit ago why God did not answer her prayer. I used the moment to explain to her that God sometimes says no and we need to be OK with that.

We arrived at Grandma's house about 5:30 on Saturday evening. The atmosphere was one of grief and depression. I found Grandma and gave her a long hug and then told her I had a card for her. She read the card and then looked at me. Her face turned from one of grief to one of joy. She then started showing the card to everyone. She would say so and so come here, read this. It will be her reason to continue through the very hard first few months without Papa.
The card read like this:
cover: A New Baby
Inside: How Wonderful!
I wrote inside:
Dear Grandma,
I will be arriving sometime between October 31st and November 12th. Please come and visit me.
It was signed: Baby T

I have 2 boys with Autism and a little girl with learning disabilities. How I am supposed to get through this pregnancy, I don't know.
What I do know:
God has never given me enough to send me to the insane asylum. (I have come close)
God has taught Edy a very special lesson about answered prayer.
This child has already given someone in the midst of grief, hope for the future.

I did question the timing of this pregnancy. I have fears of miscarriage, birth defects, one more with autism, labor and delivery and postpartum depression . We are starting over. I am almost done with diapers and life was just about to get a bit easier when all of the kids were in school this next fall.

Even with this I have to acknowledge that God's timing is perfect.
The kids will all be in school in the morning just as I am starting my 3rd trimester. Can you say morning nap?
We were able to plan our Grandma's first holidays without Papa. Thanksgiving with us and Christmas with her daughter in CA.
Darrin started a really great job in January and will be going full time in May. We will hopefully have maternity insurance.
The boys are ready for chelation. They should be greatly improved by November. (I already see changes in Taylor. It is amazing what a few days away will reveal)
He gave Darrin and I time alone together to get used to the idea. I would have had a much harder time accepting this pregnancy in the midst of screaming children. :)

Once again God is teaching me that along the way there will be things and situations that I view as bumps in the road. Looking back from this side I can see that those "bumps" are an intricate part of God's plan for our family. Without them we would not be who we are.
It is the same with this. God is changing the dynamics of our family once again. It will be interesting to see what I think about this "bump" when I am on the other side.

BTW: Alaina, do you still have the crib? :)

In the Presence of Christ

2008-02-28T16:03:00.000-08:00

Papa L. A. passed from this earth and into the presence of Christ early this afternoon. He has received his rest. We are rejoicing for him, but sad for those left behind. We will be leaving early Saturday morning and returning late Tuesday night. Darrin and I will be the only ones going down to Arkansas. There is a whole lot of drama that will be hitting the fan soon and after discussing it with Darrin's parents we decided that it would not be good to expose Edy.

It is the first time that I had to tell Edy that someone she loved had gone to be in Heaven with Jesus. She cried as I expected, and I am sure there will be other tears from her at different times. I wish I could shield her from these hurts, but I know that God will comfort her heart.

We went down to Arkansas last March to see Papa LA and Grandma Bobbie. I am so glad that we did. He got to meet his great-grandchildren that he had heard so much about. He got to watch them play and swim, and Edy talked his ear off. After we had left for home the rest of the family from Texas and the East Coast converged there. A fun time was had by all.

I am told right before he passed into the arms of Christ, he was surrounded by his 2 oldest sons, his wife and his pastor. They read the 23rd Psalm and prayed. It was while they were all in prayer that he was ushered into the Kingdom of Heaven.

Psalm 116:12-19
What shall I render to the LORD for all his bounty to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD,
I will pay my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people.
Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.
O LORD, I am thy servant; I am thy servant, the son of thy handmaid. Thou hast loosed my bonds. I will offer to thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the LORD.
I will pay my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people, in the courts of the house of the LORD, in your midst, O Jerusalem. Praise the LORD!

I'm Tired and a Change in Perspective

2008-02-28T06:08:00.000-08:00

Today I am just too tired to do much. I am physically and emotionally drained. I thought I could handle the everyday messes that the children create. I could do this if life was normal, but there is little about our lives that is normal.
I am tired of special diets.
I am tired of smeared poop in the bathroom.
I am tired of the screaming.
I am tired of being tired.
I am tired of my struggle with weight.
I am tired of the same food over and over.
I am too tired to think.
I am tired of trying to get supplements down my children.
I am tired of medical bills.

As I was writing this in my pity party state I received a phone call update on Darrin's Papa in Arkansas. He is not doing well. He was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma about a month ago. Everyday is a struggle to know what to do to help him. My in-laws are there at this time. They do no know how long they will need to stay, but if things keep progressing the way they are, it will not be much longer.

At least there are things that I can do for my boys. They do not have a life threatening illness. What we are doing will make it so they will be able to lead full, normal lives. They will recover. There is not a whole lot of guess work left. We are on the path to recovery.

I can not imagine what Grandma Bobbie is going through right now. The realization that she is going to lose her husband and close friend of over 25 years is starting to close in on her. She has lived with this possibility looming over her head for years. Papa has Emphysema. He has been living with this for a very long time. As it turns out, his lungs are working fine right now. It is the rest of his body that is having trouble.

It is amazing to me how one phone call can put me back into perspective. The timing of the call was of the Lord. A gentle reminder to me that my life is not all that bad. Yes, I am tired, but our family in Arkansas is much more so. So today I will continue to give my kids their supplements and Epsom Salt baths, not care that the house is once again a mess, and pray for our family, in Arkansas, who is facing a much bigger battle today than I am.

Happy Birthday Monica

2008-02-21T05:31:00.000-08:00

Today is my friend Monica's birthday. (see her great blog)

A little over 6.5 years ago the Lord brought the Bird family to the church that we were attending. Monica and I would have brief conversations in the nursing mother's room, and other church functions, but it was not until early 2004 that we became good friends. Monica did something that I don't think that I would have had the guts to do, she let me sell her house. I had just received my Real Estate Agent's license and she was very brave to allow me to help them sell their home and purchase another. Through this process we talked more and the friendship started to grow.

I do not think that I would have survived this journey without her. She has been my constant voice of encouragement. When I am down and in tears I always know that she will have a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. I can not tell you the countless times that I have retreated to her house when things are just too much to bear.

She has taught me so much about how to be a good mom, just by being a fabulous mom to her 7 children. I love to watch her interact with her kids. She has such a great relationship with her older daughters. I hope to have the same type of relationship with my girls as they grow into young women. I know that some days are hard, but her children are such a joy to be around. They are the kids that I want as my children's friends.

Many people go through life hoping for the type of friend that I have found in Monica. She is a true friend, never judgmental, yet I know she shoots straight from the hip and will tell me like it is. She is full of compassion and love.

Monica, my friend, I hope this day holds special surprises for you and that as you start this next year the Lord will fullfill the desires of your heart. It is a privilege to call you my friend.

Progress

2008-02-20T08:12:00.000-08:00

The kids were sick last week and then lucky me I got it too. Fortunately Darrin was off on Monday and I got a sick day. I have not had one in a long time. It was quite nice.
Because of all of the sickness (not as bad as other families have had it) my week is a bit off. I thought all of the doctors appointments were this week. NOT. They are next week.
Because I thought they were this week I filled out a new Autism Treatment Check List, called an ATEC, for Taylor. You can see what we progress we are looking for here:
http://www.autism.com/ari/atec/atec-online.htm

The saying that you can not see the forest for the big tree that is right in front of you has been so true for me over the past month. I did not see the progress. I started to wonder if what we were doing was truly worth it. Well.... the ATEC score is on a scale from 0-100, 0 being the best and 100 being the worst. Taylor was in the mid 60's in November. Today when I did his ATEC........46!!!!

This is close to what Spencer was in January. So very exciting. Now it may go down a bit after Darrin goes over it and changes some answers. But he has made huge progress in just 3 months. We still have a ways to go, but we are going and that has made my day. We have covered a vast amount of the road. Wow 46!!

The tantrums are gone! He is seeking me out for hugs and play time. The other day he came up to me and said "let's play together." He wanted to do a puzzle. He is also starting to use 5 word sentences consistently and telling us what he wants instead of pointing or grunting. He is also using the scripting language that he has in an appropriate manner.
Last week Darrin caught him playing with a car on the car rug appropriately. He was pushing the car down one of the roads and following it as it curved.

As I said earlier, it is hard to see the progress day to day. This ATEC really helps us see by numbers what ground has been covered.
The day we hit the single digits we are going to have a huge party.

To top it all off I lost a pound this past week! It was a very stressful week and I still managed to lose a pound. Life is good today!

Methylation

2008-02-11T07:56:00.000-08:00

One of the things that we are trying to do with the boys is open up the pathways for their bodies to be able to detox. One of the theorys out there is that this elimination/detox system is not functioning correctly. This is why we get the heavy metal build up from the vaccinations and different environmental toxins. When these toxins build up the body reacts.

In order to get these pathways open we are doing a number of things. We started with Vitamin B12 shots. To this we are adding Epsom salt baths and zinc. This is in addition to the MSM (helps with allergies), digestive aids and other supplements.

I can not say that we've seen major dramatic results with the vitamin B12 shots, but with adding the Epsom salt baths I am starting to see some improvement. Taylor is much calmer than he has been in weeks. I give the 3 younger children a soak in their swimsuits when the boys get home from school. They were staying in the bath for about 1 hour, and now we are down to about half an hour each day. Yesterday Taylor referred to me as mommy for the first time. Most of the time he refers to me as mom. It was just an easier word for him to say. Today he used a 5 word sentence. "I want more bacon please."

We have not seen the dramatic result that others have seen with the allergy tests and removal of the foods that they should not be eating. Some things cleared up, but the communication did not improve. The communication is now emerging. It is slow, but it is there and that is exciting. We started our next supplement for detox this weekend, zinc. It is not easy to get it down the boys, but we are trying to be consistent in hopes that we "win" and they start taking it more willingly. (I wish all could be given in shot form. So much easier!!!)

After our next appointment we hope to be adding GSH. This is the compound that is in your liver that helps to detox. It is also the element that is eaten up by Tylenol. We will no longer be giving our children Tylenol. I knew that it was toxic, I just did not know how toxic it was to our boys.

Once we have gotten their detox system going strong we will start chelation. This should remove any mercury that is sitting in their bodies.

It is a step by step process, but I know we are on the right path. The diet is going well. I am learning to cook and you my friends give me different ideas all of the time that I can incorporate into the diet. Their bellies are getting flatter and attitudes are better.

Right now it is quiet here. The dishes are mostly done and the rest of the house is an absolute mess, but it is quiet and peaceful. That is more than I could hope for a few months ago.

My Partner on this Journey and Weight Loss

2008-02-07T13:23:00.000-08:00

Never in a million years would Darrin and I have imagined that this was the journey that we were meant to walk together. When I was single I had the notion that I did not want to get married just to be married. I wanted someone who allowed me to be me, and did not expect me to be something that someone else said was the "ideal" wife. I also wanted someone that I could help in life. Not just be there to wash his clothes (which I do not do well) and keep his house clean. I wanted my life to be enhanced by the one I married, to be better than I was single.

I found just that man in November of 1996. I took a Desktop Publishing class and he was the instructor. I can not say that it was love at first sight, but it was love during the first 2 weeks. I did not know what it was about this man, I just knew that I wanted to be his partner. My gut told me that he was destined for great things and I wanted to be a part of that.

I waited for 2 years for him to get his act together. He finally did and we were married on September 11, 1999.

There were many trials that we went through in our first year of marriage. We lost a baby and later that year I lost an ovary and he was by my side through it all. As I look back I should have gotten a clue. Most of our trials were medical and now here we are in the biggest trial that we have ever faced together and it too is medical. Go figure.

All this to say that I am so glad that I am walking on this journey with Darrin. He is a man destined for greatness and this journey is just adding to this greatness. He may not be recognized by the world as one of the great men of our time (I think so, but I have found that not everyone sees things the way I do) but he is a great dad. This is the man who had never changed a diaper before we had our first child. This is the man who gaged when he changed his first "rice" diaper. (you who have experienced this know what I mean) This is the man I love. He has always jumped in with both feet even when the waters were a bit scary.

He has taken an active roll in the recovery of our boys. Most men with Autistic sons just bury their heads in the sand and let their wives deal with it. 80% of marriages that have Autistic children end in divorce.

I am thanful beyond words for Darrin. I do not ever have to worry that some day he will give up and leave. He is as dedicated to this as I am. He hurts for our boys every bit as much as I do. Because of this I know that even if the world does not bestow the label of greatness on my husband, his children and I will.

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The last 2 years have been very stressful. I am one who eats when stressed and the result has not been pretty. So, starting today I am going to lose 30lbs.
I had lost 30lbs after Addi was born, but those little buggers have been making their way back on to my body. It is time to shed them again.

I will be posting my results on a weekly basis. This is to keep me accountable. I also am going to be doing something that was mentioned on The Rachel Ray show today. I am going to get sponsors for my weight loss.

This is how it works. Each person who wants to can sponsor a certain pound. For example one woman's boss sponsored her 180th pound. He will buy her a new outfit when she reaches that goal. I do not need new outfits, but I am looking for bits of encouragement and accountability along the way. So if you are interested in sponsoring one of my pounds or goals let me know. Darrin has already said he will sign up.

I will be using my online weight watchers and I hope to make it to the gym everyday to do the eliptical for at least 30 min. Also the night snacking will stop. No more food after dinner.
With this in place and a bit of encouragement from my friends and family, I hope to be ready for our vacation to Florida in July.

Also, If any of you out there want to join me, I would love to sponsor one of your pounds.
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My Favorite Kitchen gadgets and Video Games

2008-02-02T12:39:00.000-08:00

I had forgotten that I had a small George Foreman Grill nestled away in the back of one of my many cabinets. I remembered the other day when I did not want to dirty a pan searing steak, neither did I want to brave the cold and turn on the gas grill. It took me about 6 different turns to get all of the steak cooked. I had forgotten how easy cooking meat was on this gadget. I am now looking for a bigger one.

I have always enjoyed researching my purchases. It gives me great pleasure to find out the retail price and then either find one on sale and use a coupon for another 20% off or find it online for a fraction of the cost. So now I am looking for the biggest, baddest, grill out there for the lowest price. I will let you know what I find.
I plan on using this grill to cook my turkey bacon. :) (in addition to other things)

The other kitchen gadget (if you can call it that) I can not live without is my Kitchen Aid mixer. I make muffins in this at least 2 times a week. I am sure I will use it for other things as I get time to experiment with my baking.
I received my Kitchen Aid mixer as a birthday gift from my family. I know it is a bit weird, but I am one of those who likes to get things like vacuum cleaners as gifts. I am not big on getting flowers, I do like the chocolate, but bring me home a new kitchen gadget or something that will make my life a bit easier and I am one happy mama.

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We are a video game family. We started out with a Play Station I. We had so much fun with it that we were going to get a Play Station ll, until we found out how expensive they were. We settled for a Game Cube knowing that we would buy a Wll when it came out. (We have one now, but still use the Game Cube.)

We have been collecting Game Cube games for some time now. I like this system because they have a lot of muti-player games. One of the kids favorites is Monkey Ball.
While we were away last weekend Darrin found a Monkey Ball game that we did not have. He said it would be better than the one we did have. We both thought the kids would like it better.

I must pause here and explain a bit about how an Autistic brain works. One thing that these kids lack is impulse control. The boys are getting better except when in a highly stressful situation. Let me tell you Monkey Ball is HIGHLY STRESSFUL!

We had the screaming down to almost nothing. That is except when Monkey Ball is being played. When mama is winning all is smiles, but as soon as that ball rolls off of the maze....you would have thought that they were being tortured back in the medieval times. Wow, what my neighbors must think.
So for much of this week I have had to endure the screaming as they roll one by one off of the maze. I would try to put a stop to it, but it would not work. They truly can not control their reaction. As their bodies heal this control will be developed. I do have glimpses of this from Spencer. He can handle a little of mama messing up. He will tell me "it's ok mom try again." He can do this for about 10 times and then he has had it with this woman's clumsy fingers.

I could just hide the game and not let them play until the impulse control has been developed. I am either a glutton for punishment or something. I can not bring myself to take this game away from them. As much as they scream when they fall off the maze I get an equal reaction of joy when they get to the goal. You would have thought they won the lottery. They are also getting better at their eye hand coordination. Every day they get through one more maze without falling off. I think that the rewards of what they are learning and developing out weigh the disappointments of falling off the maze.

Because they both are getting better at the game, I purchased 2 more Game Cube remotes last night. They boys and I sat on the floor and played Monkey Ball races. There was no screaming. Most everyone had a great time. Spencer gave up about half way through because he was not winning. Well, on to the next battle. :)
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As I was writing this Spencer got very mad because he could not win at the Star Wars ship race. He was quite distraught and came up to me and said
S - I want to win
ME - Try again
S - No try again
Me - shall I tickle you?
S-No tickle
Me- shall I raspberry you?
S-No raspberry
Me- shall I wrestle you?
S-no wrestle
Me- shall I love on you?
S- Love you!
He then gave me a big hug.

Heros and Burnt Bacon

2008-01-30T15:57:00.000-08:00

I need to start this post with a great big THANK YOU to the Swan family. The boys were invited to a birthday party (their first) on Sunday and they had a great time. Spencer was a trooper and did what was expected of him, and Taylor was himself and did what interested him. The first thank you is for including the boys. Many people are afraid to invite children with autism to activities because there really is no way of predicting how they will act.
My second thank you is to Kevin (b-day boy's dad). Many times we are on our own when we are out with the boys. People stare and look at us as if we have 2 heads and do not know how to raise children. It is a great relief to be a part of a church that steps up and wants to help. On Sunday Taylor enjoyed himself very much. I know this because he was screaming when it was time to leave.
Now, my boys are not small. They were both over 50lbs at the age of 5. (they are also tall)
When Taylor was screaming Kevin did not miss a beat. He walked onto the floor picked him up and carried, the flailing, Taylor to the place he was supposed to be. In some way that made me feel as if we are not alone in this battle. There is not a whole lot that others can do to help us along this road, but that was in my eyes one of the acts that Christ was talking about when he said
"Whatever you do for the least of these my brothers, you do it to me." Matthew 25:40
Kindness and understanding was shown to my boys on Sunday and for that I say "thanks".
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A few years after the boys were born and we had added our fourth child to the circus that is our lives, someone asked me how I did it. My sweet smiling answer was "I did what I needed to in order to survive." This included boxes of chicken nuggets, pizza rolls, boxed mac and cheese, corn dogs and anything else that I could cook and get on the table in less than 10 minutes.

I was a great cook when we got married. I would wow Darrin day after day with my new creations. I am not a creative person, except when it comes to the kitchen. I used to be able to recreate, with some accuracy, the meal that I would have out at a restaurant. Those days became few and far between once the twins arrived and had not resurfaced until a few months ago when I was forced back into the kitchen by necessity.

I do have to say that, to some extent, I am enjoying trying new things. Many fail. I do not have the luxury of any starches. These include noodles, potatoes, wheat products, oat products or rice products. No cornstarch or other thickening agents are allowed on this diet. To top it off I am faced with the challenge of cooking without dairy products. (This will not be forever. In fact I have started to reintroduce this into the diet starting with butter.) This was fine. I have coconut milk which is a great substitute for milk. No cheese for a few months was doable. This was until we got the IgG Allergy reports back from the doctor. I am now faced with cooking with out eggs. OK people I did without all the other things, but eggs?!!!

What do you use for an egg substitute? Let me tell you...ground flax seed mixed with water - does not work in muffins unless you like craters. :) Mashed bananas or other fruits...many of these we can not use because of Addi's sensitivity to phenols. Egg replacement - made with potato and tapioca starch - not an option.

So tonight I tried to make pancakes with limited egg use and almond flour. I used some egg whites that I got at the store and applesauce. Let me tell you, I don't know if you could call what I made tonight pancakes. The kids ate them, for that I am happy.

I celebrated when I found this great easy product, that they could eat, at Costco.... precooked bacon. Hallelujah, something easy....Addi can't have pork! Go figure. I have hardly ever given them pork products, but it was on her "list."

Tonight, instead of easy bacon, I attempted turkey bacon. Now, I like turkey bacon as long as it is not burnt. :) Yes, you guessed it, I burnt it. Tonight was not the most appetizing meal I have made, but the kids ate it up. Kind of makes you feel sorry for them. They were pretty desperate.

So I will keep trudging on and trying to get my chef legs back under me. I just might come up with some pretty good stuff. If I do I will post it here so you all can join us in our very very low carb diet.

Until then, I challenge even the most skilled chef to make dinner with 3 little ones around your legs yelling "I want bacon, I want bacon" and another roller skating into your legs about every 5 seconds while the house fills with smoke, and not burn the bacon.

A Weekend of Revelation

2008-01-27T15:59:00.000-08:00

For the first time in about a year, Darrin and I got away, alone, this weekend. It was a time to sleep, reconnect, eat carbs and reflect on our past year. Right now Darrin is my reassurance that all will be fine. I don't feel this way right now. I want everything to be normal yesterday.

Taylor was having a hard time on Friday. His attitude was fine, but he was moaning about his tummy. He tried to tell me what was wrong, but could not get the words out. I gathered him up in my arms, wrapped him in a warm blanket, and rocked him back and forth while holding him tight. It was at this time that I was hit with the full impact that I have kids with special needs. Don't get me wrong, I knew my boys were behind and had some catching up to do, but this was different. I saw at that moment how different they are.

I really don't know how to put into words the feeling that I had in those brief minutes. All I can say is that I now accept that my boys will be what they will be. God has know what they will be since the beginning of time. Apparently there is a reason for this Autism. This syndrome will play a part in the completion of the call of God in their lives. This is a necessary piece of the puzzle. They may never come to full recovery. That is OK. I am finally accepting that the boys will never be "normal". They will always have Autism and have to deal with its effects on their bodies. I don't know what kind of lives they will lead. I don't know what kind of work they will do. I do know that it will be fabulous and beyond anything I could have thought. For some reason they have been chosen to walk this road.

So many time I have read about parents who would make statements like "Autism has added so much to my child. I don't know who my child would be without it. It is such a joy to raise her." I would want to shout and yell, "Bull, get real lady." I do have to say, I am beginning to see what they mean. I am not to the "let's get up and shout for joy, my kid has Autism." stage. I don't know that I will ever be there. But, I do know that the more I understand this syndrome the more I understand what a privilege it is to have this glimpse into the world where these individuals live. Sometimes I wonder if we are not the ones that have the disabilities. I wonder if those with Autism have a better understanding about acceptance, because they are not hindered by "social graces" and wondering about what others think.

I know there will be days of doubt ahead, but for the first time in a very long time I am not panicking about the boys treatment. There is only so much I can do. I will do what I can, but the rest in in the hand of God. For tonight I will rest in the peace that the God who holds the universe in the palm of His hand, has a very special plan for my little boys and He will bring it to pass.

Isaiah 55:9 - 13
For my thoughts [are] not your thoughts, neither [are] your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

For [as] the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:

So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper [in the thing] whereto I sent it.

For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap [their] hands.

Instead of the thorn shall come up the fir tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree: and it shall be to the LORD for a name, for an everlasting sign [that] shall not be cut off.

The Road Before Us

2008-01-24T12:13:00.001-08:00

Many of my friends have stated that when we have reached the end of this leg of our journey that I should write a book. I am not a writer, but I thought that it might be good to document our progress for my sanity.
We are embarking on this road using the biomedical method to treat our children. I have learned through our research that each child with Autism has a different treatment. This is one reason that Autism is such a mystery. There is not just one cause and the treatments depend on the manifestation of the syndrome. This makes each child's treatment a bit different. Also each child's body will respond differently to each treatment. What works with one for one symptom will not work for another with the same symptom. We have 3 we are treating.
Our Family is on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. This consists of Meats, veggies, fruits and some dairy. I will get into the science behind the diet in a different post. I will also be posting recipes on this blog. I get very board with the same foods day after day (it is a good thing my kids like the same things. Makes it easy for me.) I am consistently trying to come up with different ways to fix our standard ingredients.
I will also voice our triumphs and roadblocks here. I am sure there will also be a few posts that have a bit of frustration. This is not an easy journey. It is not a fast journey. But I am sure that at the end of this segment I will look back on all that has been accomplished do as the lame man did when he was healed by Peter and John "he went jumping and leaping and Praising God."
It is My Father God who has called us to this road. He has gone before us. We will follow his direction and see where it takes us.